The truth will hurt at least one person, struggling with that harm...

Hello and big welcome!
I think it’s best to just communicate with your wife. Explain her everything, withouth leaving details out. She is already upset with you. She maybe upset, because she don’t know what you are thinking and what concers you have and already that does her harm. It’s like you don’t trust her at all. You can still have good relationship, even if you break up, if you don’t lie and just be honest. These are just my views on this though.

 

Sorry if I seem a bit harsh. I am not meaning to be harsh at all. I just think that people need to communicate more with each other.

 

Good luck. I really hope it all works out.

 

CarterZane.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! There are a number of sub-forums here on EC...why don't you check them out and then feel free to join in the conversations! Your situation is very similar to what I faced. I came out here on Empty Closets in December of 2014. I was desperate and felt that I could no longer hide my sexuality but at the same time I felt unable to come out. Coming out here on an anonymous website helped. Just like you I also found a therapist to talk to. At that time I was 64 years old and had recently retired and had also been dealing with some serious health problems. Those two issues as well as finally accepting that I am and always have been gay had really pushed me close to the edge. I was fortunate that my wife saw me talking to a therapist as a good thing, even though she didn't know that my major reason was to find a way to reconcile my sexuality. My therapist helped me more than I can really say. I hope that you can encourage your wife to understand that seeing a therapist will have a positive effect on your marriage. About six months after I started seeing the therapist, I came out to my wife. It was the most difficult thing that I've ever done. My wife was very concerned that I would want to change something about our marriage, that I would want to tell everybody that I was gay. We attend a very conservative church and are very active in it and she was very worried about how that would work out. I had only one concern, of course this is what I wanted and I'm sure that it will be different for others. I did not want a divorce. I did and do love my wife. It's not the same love that I would have for a partner with whom I could have genuine love-connected sex (I don't know if that makes sense). I always had to think of men when we had sex...but I desperately wanted a family and at that time there really wasn't any other practical way to do so. I did not want to break up our marriage and at the same time essentially break up our family...I just couldn't do that. My family is more important to me than having a boyfriend. What I needed was to be able to put an end to the masquerade, the lie that I was living. I didn't need the whole world to know I was gay, I just needed those that were important to me to know and to stop having to pretend. It was difficult at first, but after a while, as she saw that I was not making any changes, she became more relaxed and even started making the occasional gay joke! It's been six years now since I came out to her and we are closer now than we ever been. If it should happen that she passes before I do, then perhaps I will consider what it would be like to have a boyfriend. I hope this "novel" will help you see that there is a way forward. While the path that my wife and I have chosen is certainly not for everyone, it does at least show that there are possibilities out there that might work instead of divorce. As far as Empty Closets goes, you have found a community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. You can ask questions in any of the Sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message on anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets!
.....David