Even in my fully closeted days I identified as gay. In my mind I have I have always thought of guys and not girls. I have been married twice to women and was physically intimate with them. So now I am wondering if I am bisexual. See why I am confused? LOL. Any clarity on this subject would be great. Thanks, Richard
Hi Richard Are you attracted to women? Do you fantasize about both men and women? If there was an attractive guy and girl in front of you which would you like to have sex with? I would chose both if I could. It doesn’t have to be a 50/50 attraction either. I find women more physically attractive most of the time, but when I fall for a guy there’s usually also an emotional attraction.
Your ability to be physically intimate with a woman does not in itself indicate heterosexuality or bisexuality. Many gay mothers and fathers on this site can attest to this very real dichotomy, including me. Many young gay men are able to have sex with women because sex itself feels good. Young enough and horny enough will get the job done. But when I look back on my early relationship with my girlfriend/wife, I can now see that it always felt like I was performing - I was doing the things I thought I was supposed to do as a "normal" hetero guy, but there was this separation of body/mind that would occur during sex where I would become aware of this feeling of performing an act that didn't feel natural to me, like I was an actor performing in a scene. By the time I was no longer that same young man with a strong libido, sex with my wife became more and more difficult, both in mind and body. My body had stopped being so willing to go with it, and at some point I became unable to maintain erections through the act. At the same time, I was much less interested in having sex with her. After coming out to myself, I was no longer able to be intimate in any way with her. My masturbatory fantasies (sans porn) have always been about guys and almost never girls. This should have been a big red flag to me, but I chalked it up to it being a kink or fetish, and not indicative of anything, and that allowed me to ignore it. You said in your OP that you have always thought of guys and not girls. Do you mean for masturbation? If so, big red flag there. If you currently identify as gay, despite once being married and intimate with women, you can safely rest assured that your identity is correct for you.
I am physically attracted to both male and female, meaning when I see someone nice looking I look at both, but sexually only to males.
It would certainly seem based on this comment that you are gay. In the end only you can make that determination but evidence you present would point towards gay.
