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Worried I'm going to feel very lonely for the next few moths

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by skloorrpt, Jul 23, 2021.

  1. skloorrpt

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    I was with my friend earlier and he told me that he's probably headed back out of state for school in a few days, so we won't be able to hang out again. I wish we could've spent more time together. I can't believe it's already been like two months since he got back for the summer.

    I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't really have any other friends I hang out with or talk to regularly. Most of the time I just end up sitting around at home on my days off. Now that my friend is headed back to school it looks like I'm just going back to that. I'm just worried I'll get lonely, bored, and depressed now that he's leaving again.

    Not really sure if this is the right place for this, but I wanted to say something somewhere.
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! It sounds like you have a strong bond/friendship with him. It can be hard to see a friend leave, while also trying to figure out what to do in the absence of the friend. One thing that could help in filling the void, is trying to see if he would be willing to get together virtually on a more or less regular basis. While it is certainly not the same as being able to meet with him in person, it could help to bridge the time until you can meet properly again.

    It might also be worthwhile to look into creating some more friendships or get to know others, even if it is just one or two more - the time you spend on it would still be worthwhile and rewarding. Meetup.com might be a good place to start; it has groups that bring people together based on interests, hobbies, or groups that are designed to allow others to get to know each other. If you haven't had a chance to join it yet, it might be something to check out.

    Volunteering (if at all possible) could be another avenue to prevent feeling lonely or getting bored while also getting to know others.
     
  3. old tacoma

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    @skloorrpt — I wasn’t keeping up with your threads until today, but it sounds like you and your friend have had a good couple of months. That’s great! Something that has worked for me to help with the separation is to use a calendar to count down the days until the two of you will most likely see each other next. When you first start counting, it may seem like forever, but before you know, your target date will be just around the corner. In the meantime, @Mirko has given you some excellent suggestions.
     
  4. skloorrpt

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    We are pretty close, I suppose calling us just friends isn't the most accurate either. We aren't "officialy" dating or anything, whatever that means. I guess it's more of a friends with benefits type thing, but it kind of feels like more than that to me at least. We've known each other for over a decade now. When he is gone we try to talk on discord and maybe play some computer game when we get the chance. That's nice, but like you say, it's not like him being here.

    It would be nice to make more friends, but I feel so awkward around people I don't know . I can barely keep a conversation going. I overanalyze every word that comes out of my mouth and worry that they make me sound like some kind of weirdo. Not to mention I don't live in a very large town. Even if I could find something in my area that I was interested in I would have a very hard time actually making myself go out and do it. It's so much easier and less threatening to just stay at home playing videogames, watching Netflix/YouTube, or listening to music. It seems like those are the only things I enjoy doing anymore, but even they gets pretty boring sometimes. Maybe I'm just too lazy, I don't know.
     
  5. skloorrpt

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    I've sort of already started mentally counting down the days, or months I suppose. It just seems so far away. Assuming he has plans to come back for winter break that probably won't be till late November or early December at the absolute earliest. 5 months seems like such a long time. That's almost as long as it's been since he was back for last winter break.
     
  6. Mirko

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    I wonder if having an actual conversation with him rather than playing video games might not be better. Playing video games together online is certainly something but the connection, experience is of course different. It might be helpful to prioritise an actual conversation over playing video games.

    I'm sure you are not too lazy. I would encourage you to give it a try. I understand it can be daunting to go out there, in particular, if you are not the most outgoing person or don't feel comfortable in larger circles. If at all possible, try finding something that only has a handful of people attending, which could make it easier to connect with someone. Depending on pandemic restrictions and where things are at where you live, it might be good to see if there is something online that could interest you.

    It is okay to be nervous or to wonder how to keep a conversation going. Sometimes, a conversation will keep going all by itself. If there are awkward silent moments, that's okay too.

    The most important piece here though is, not to question the words you say or think too deeply about how you come across. Being someone who likes to overanalyse conversations, I can certainly relate. That said, 99.9% of the time, it is going to be fine. Remember that the other person speaking with you is probably nervous or feels awkward for the first part of the conversation as well. To them, you are a new person, somebody to get to know.

    Give it some thought. :slight_smile: