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Anniversaries, acknowledging them coping

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jo Hannah, Jul 20, 2021.

  1. Jo Hannah

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    Hi All,

    Today’s a 12 month anniversary of a break up with my friend / relationship, it’s been a struggle of a day.

    I’m sure I can’t be alone in recognising anniversaries and feeling reflective.

    The next few days will be tricky as my birthday is coming up and I’m
    very nervous that she takes the opportunity to reach out to me.

    Anyone want to share stories of coping with these milestones as we learn to move on ?
     
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  2. alwaysforever

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    Anniversaries can be extremely challenging. I've struggled with many such reminders over the years.

    Firstly, I have found it helpful to remind myself that it's okay to not be okay, and to give myself time and space to just feel my feelings without shame or guilt.

    Secondly, trying to focus on small, mundane things that are going on in my current life, rather than focusing on memories of the past, is a huge help in making the day of the anniversary less terrible as it is happening.

    Third, writing a journal to get my thoughts out of my head, and into some sort of context that I can make sense of them, and figure out what to do going forward, rather than trying to figure out why whatever happened, happened, is a powerful way to grow. That way, hopefully, I don't make the same mistakes over and over again.

    Finally, having other friends or family --or a therapist-- can make an uncomfortable anniversary easier to handle.
     
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  3. chicodeoro

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    Hi Jo Hannah, I am actually the same. I remember anniversaries and can probably tell you what I was doing 30 years ago on this day (returning to London from Swansea on a coach, since you're asking).

    How do I cope? Leaning into it, accepting the pain and memories. Music helps. Every year on the anniversary of my mother's death I play a song that reminds me of her. I have a little weep on my own and that seems to draw the pain.

    Hope you get through ok and happy birthday for a few days' time!

    Beth
     
    #3 chicodeoro, Jul 21, 2021
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021
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  4. Jo Hannah

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    Thanks, my birthday is Sunday, hopefully it passes without any incidents.. I always have music on, radio or a playlist, I hate the silence. But I have found I play certain memory songs, they aren’t always helpful, but so ways you need to accept the reflection and spend a little quiet time.

    I have filled this week with work and just keeping myself very busy ! My reflection will come on Monday and Tuesday.
     
    #4 Jo Hannah, Jul 21, 2021
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021
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  5. I'm gay

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    I came out to my wife just a few months shy of our 20th anniversary. What should have been a celebrated milestone turned very awkward.
     
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  6. Love2sleep

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    I try to acknowledge the date and send light and love their way, I then pick myself up and find something memorable to do in the said date. That way I no longer just associate them and the date. The first thing you can do is try to suppress how you feel or ignore, this will only lead to you thinking more on it and making you feel more horrid than you already would be. You've got this x
     
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