crushes on fictional men in childhood, but gay irl..? Confused?

When I was in denial my fantasies were just about body parts. The more I accepted myself the more I started to imagine being with a guy romantically, staring into his eyes, snuggling. I think it has to do with acceptance for most people.

For many people as they accept themselves, any perceived attraction to the opposite sex tends to fade.

 

Concerning your fantasies about men, I think this part is key:

Supernatural creatures sounds like a fantasy that is more symbolic.

I still get thoughts of women now and then and if I see a really attractive woman I might think 'oh it would be nice to have sex with her', but it's just an abstract thought - I don't get sexually aroused or excited. Not to be graphic but when I think about an attractive guy, I immediately get aroused and my mind just goes right to umm, the thing that makes him a man and I immediately think about wanting it in my mouth and how nice it would be to please him, or to receive anal intercourse. Sometimes i fantasize about being a top, which I guess you can do with a woman but when i have tried to (notice, I have to 'try'!) fantasy about women that way I just don't get aroused.

I don't know if you fantasies are different like that - but once I realized it, I don't question my sexuality.

 

, even just reading the first part I got aroused , the second part doesn't seem natural.

I had a lot and still have a lot of denial that pops up - but its getting less - I used to latch on seeing a beautiful woman as 'proof' I was straight.

It's a beautiful feeling to accept yourself, I realized how I was torturing myself denying my natural desires for human intimacy.

 

I never realized how much I was unconsciously trying and how draining it was...I always used it as the 'excuse' that I wasn't gay. I see women who are pretty so I am not gay.

As I accepted myself this began to fade, and one day when I was walking out of my apartment a thought shot into my head "Such a relief I don't have to try look at women anymore"

Now I can truly appreciate a woman's beauty and not have it try to mask my sexuality.

Good luck! I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to accept myself, to no longer deny my desire to be with a man. I have literally never felt so happy in my life. I had some drunk hookups with guys when I was younger, but I chickened out, I am looking forward to my to being able to fully express my love without shame or denial.

 

I am starting to feel like that now. Been fighting with myself for years now. When I am out and about, I look at women but I do not feel turned on. But then when I look at naked men or gay porn I am almost instantly turned on. But as of now in real life I do not really look at guys. But that might be because I have not fully accepted myself. When someone tells me I am probably gay I get a rush and it kind of feels good. My uncle is gay so I might tell him that I might be too. And when I also masturbate to guys my orgasms are amazing and forcefully shootout. But when it comes women its a weak orgasm

 

the more I accepted myself the less I started to worry about this. A lot of gay men are into women's fashion.I started to realize I was often more interested in what they were wearing. I love feminine things (but I don't have any desire to be a woman or dress up) maybe it just represents the feminine side of us.

Many women put a lot more attention into how they dress and try to make a splash, so that could be part of it. I also realized I am not attracted to most guys - but once I accepted myself I started to notice my 'type' though it's not common when I see i do get very turned on!

That's a pretty good indicator.

 

All of what you say definitely makes sense. I am almost 32 I have never had the strongest urges to find a girlfriend. But a couple months ago, something inside me made me think how itwould be to have a boyfriend. Deep down it felt wonderful. When I think about being with women Im just feel it probably would not make sense or go anywhere. I had a couple chances a year ago to be with a woman. She really liked me but, deep down I sabotaged it on purpose so I would not have to meet up.

 

I could have written that!
I always always 'eh' about dating women, it really felt like 'work' (so did sex, I often had to think about men".
And one of my last denial acts was dating a woman that really liked me, I felt like I was being untrue to her and myself....on the other hand thinking about a boyfriend makes me giddy!

 

Haha for sure! I honestly feel like my bargaining phase will not last too awful long at this point. I feel like within the next couple years I will have a boyfriend and I can finally live my life as a gay man as I always should have. My bi friend wants to go to a bathhouse and wants me to go as well. But I think i would rather we go to a gay bar first!

 

It's funny you say that, it's amazing for me to re-read my early posts they were really just slowly admitting things to myself -but the denial was there - I also remember how tense,worried and scared I was about being gay. I was really hoping someone would just tell me I was gay so I didn't have to make the decision myself.

 

Yeah honestly I think a time or two I actually had crushes on girls but sexually, I just did not feel much. Me and my friend when we were both 15 actually used to mess around and I really liked it. That is probably when I should have realized I was most likely gay. I was always so excited when he came over in hopes we would fool around again. And then all these years of still never trying anything with a woman. The signs have been here for so long. And I also hope we will soon both be happy with partners

Both my uncle and cousin are gay , so maybe soon I will tell one or both of them so they can help me.

 

For sure! And I know how that feels! No longer denying things and just letting it happen does feel great. I hate saying it but, I feel so much time wasted. But I guess its never too late.

 

Haha I just saw this post. I think for me I fantasize about being a bottom. When I did things with my friend I enjoyed being bottom. I have never topped but I am sure if I get into a relationship I would love to be a verse! Now that I think back on it, everytime I watched straight porn, I'd actually be looking at only the guys equipment. And I enjoyed videos more if there were two guys instead of one!

My god, I can NOT believe how many signs I really neglected to see!