A later life matter: Is it crazy for a middle aged man A to want to play doctor with middle aged man B friend of A? If not, how to do it? Or how to at least unashamedly get and be undressed with one another? Nothing crazy like so many posted erotic stories seem compelled to go. I might be talking two different but related pursuits. It makes me nervous just to consider posing the questions. and maybe just posing the questions is the first step, Or to talk obliquely and jokingly of the matters, then give matters time? Help!
Me2b.....Well - I guess it depends a lot on wether A & B are interested in "medical" science! No, really...It's hard to answer your question without knowing a little more about "B". It's obvious that you (A) are interested but the big question is if A is interested. Has he shown any sign that he might be willing to be somewhat intimate with you? Has he shown any indication that he might be gay, bi, questioning or interested in any way? I think talking to Mr. B and finding out a little more about how he feels about our LGBTQIA+ Family before you drag out your stethoscope (or any other medical "tools") would be a very, very good idea. Why don't you seriously consider a conversation with him and then get back to us with the outcome. I think then we will be able to give you a much better idea of how to continue! .....David :gay_pride-flag:
It’s not crazy. Talk with your friend B. I will give you my own recent example. I walk every morning. When I was still working, I would walk very early before work. I would see M almost every day, walking his dogs. Sometimes we would walk together. Over time, we would look for each other. I retired, and started walking later in the morning. Occasionally I would see M driving by, he’d wave, I’d wave. A few months ago I decided if I ever got to talk with M again, I would suggest that we exchange numbers. Two weeks ago M was driving by as I was walking, and he pulled over. I went up to his truck, we chatted a bit, and I suggested we exchange numbers and get together for coffee or lunch. He didn’t even hesitate and gave me his number right away. We texted a bit. We did agree to get together — at his house! When I got there, he asked me How did I know? I said Know what? He said That he was interested. I said I didn’t know he was interested. I was just attracted. And that I had told myself a while back that if we ever got to talk I was going to suggest we get together. He laughed because he thought for sure I knew he wanted it too. Just talk with your friend B. You just never can know upfront.
These are very good questions quebec. Thank you. Actually A&B are both hypothetical guys in their fifties, both of of slender build and both very fine with but very limitedly physically experienced things LGBTQ-wise. Well okay, the doctor is probably A who's wants to ask be able to discuss with his friend B things LGBTQ in process of exam, possibly physically comparing in the process, A&B good friends agreeably playing in this way to to find greater and respectful comfort with themselves and with one another. But this is mostly A's idea so how does he broach it, being middle aged, not a kid and all?
Thank you old tacoma, I see our massages crossed paths and I am starting to read what you wrote.... first must get some tunes in my ears however...
@Me2b I may be off base and reading more into your question. You posed this as a couple of "hypothectical" men accidently getting together for intimacy and discovering something about their sexuality? At least that's what I've read into this. I've re-read some of your posts from the past. It seems like you might be still trying to come to terms with your sexuality. Part of that might be a bit of fear or trepidation in experiencing the physical sides of your sexuality. Are you REALLY OK with m2m intimacy or is this something you are not comfortable with? Two middle age men who are friends, who both know the other has interests in m2m intimacy, should have no reason not to have a frank conversation with each other and not need to make the intimacy something unintentional. If this is more than hypothetical (you have this friend), then go for it...assuming he is single and available. Communication will yield better intimacy so you might as well start sooner than later...
Dear Nickw, Thank you for your full perspective-making assessment of this matter. I too should and will go back to reread what I've written before. It has been a while. My direct m2m is limited to a moment or two in boyhood, which I am forever embarrassed by. Indeed there are m2m things that many adult men seemingly do that I am not comfortable with. But that is just me, no judgement of those who do. As elementary as it may seem I am pretty sure I most just want to respectfully see and show, possibly model various medical and athletic clothings and and safely and relaxedly be with not stranger but enduring friend. The most obvious possibility is my gay friend who I went to Pride parade with a few years ago. But it could change our friendship possibly making for a divide that I do not want. The idea of making conversation of intrigues, however. Thank you. But how to even make and find the right time pave the way for such conversation. I imagine he has not the same curiosity of me I suppose I could broach with email then phone call starting with the wrap-up of Pride month, emergence from covid, and where I am at on my journey and thoughts about well just try tamely being together with prescribed limits. There is a lot I could dare to ask and say but I am scared. I don't think he finds need to so explore to me -- however I might be wrong -- and there-in may be the crux. echo: but it could change our friendship possibly making for a divide that I do not want. Also, I have been losing a fair amount of sleep, so my expression might not be so clear. Thank you again, Nickw.
@Me2b M2M intimacy can take many forms. Since your friend knows you are in the early stages of discovery, he may well be a good person to have some frank conversations about how you move through your next steps in your journey of acceptance of your sexuality. Most of us get this. How it is difficult to overcome societal dictates on sexuality and sexual behavior. Most of us also understand that we each move at a different pace and need to express our sexuality in different ways. If it were me, I would simply ask if he would be interested in some very “tame” play with limits. When I came out to my wife, we agreed that I wouldn’t go very far with men. Just sorta the same things you seem to be desiring. I found several friends that were quite willing to do only that. If he is not up for it, he can decline. It might affect your friendship. But, I bet it doesn’t. Most of us guys know that there is often some underlying sexual energy between us that we can decide to act on or not. Of more concern to me than how you go about achieving this intimacy is what appears to be continued shame over your behavior when young. Intimacy between two of the same sex is as beautiful an expression of love and caring as any other. Have you considered counseling to deal with why you continue to feel this shame?
Dear Nickw, I like what and how your write. This matter occupies so much my time and thinking. Paragraph 1 prompts me to say: I so want to transcend solo reflection. Paragraph 2 I like in the first sentence how you suggest to put it. My home is in such a state of transition that I can't host for probably a few months but maybe I can't just chat up the concept. Maybe even go out on a limb to say that in hot weather I sometimes go around the house in the buff (shades drawn of course). I get so nervous even thinking about talking about these things much less acting on them. I should call at "least" just to say hi, maybe a word or two about one or two movies watched over course of covid and readings, but then I start to realize how VERY private I am. I like your close of P2 stating the possibility of sexual energy between. Paragraph 3 -- kind of an extra big one -- I will have to reply to later. Thank you, Nickw.
Chances are guys I know are in a very different place than I am about these things, I can't branch the subjects, yet I yearn to talk person to person about at least some aspects of some.
@Me2b I think what you will find is that many of us understand exactly what you are going through. Just because someone is more experienced with "being gay" doesn't mean they wouldn't be available as confidants. This forum is an example of that. Many on this forum are here to help. There are lots of folks out in the real world who will do the same. I know I had a number of guys who were quite friendly and helpful and didn't expect anything in return.
