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Digging deeper into gender non-conforming identities?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Zaad, Jun 24, 2021.

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  1. Zaad

    Zaad
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    America
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So, I have had a really solid understanding of how I feel inside, but finding the language to express it is really hard. I'm not really looking for people to try and say what they think I am, per se, but rather point me in directions of places to do more research into descriptive language and identity labels that I can research and see if it's close enough to how I know am, since I've kind of hit a brick wall.

    I was born female, but I have never been able to relate to the female peers I grew up with. It kind of felt like there was a wall between me and them, and that I just didn't belong on their side. I kind of felt like an impostor and got really uncomfortable every time I was called "girl" "miss" "ma'am" or "woman". It was easier to relate to boys when I was younger, in elementary school, but as soon as everyone hit puberty, I started to feel like boys were also a bit alien, and I didn't belong on their side of the wall either.

    I also never really connected with my body. It's not bad, but it feels wrong like there was a mix up at the store and I got someone else's order. A male body doesn't seem right either, actually, I feel like it would be equally as wrong and that if I had been born male instead, I'd have the exact same thoughts I am having now in a female body. Like, the flesh I'm in doesn't really matter, I'd still be me, but also I know both gendered bodies aren't where I belong.

    So I'm 99% certain that a gender non-conforming identity of some sort fits me. I flipped between Demi-girl and Nonbinary for a while, but leaned more towards Nonbinary because I sometimes get tired of certain parts of my body, and the only connection I have to being a 'girl' is "Hey, I guess I was born in this body, and I look way to fem to present otherwise."
    I feel a bit better about my body now that I no longer have a time of the month, that thing made me feel very out of place in my own skin. I also flip between wanting to be shaped more androgenous, and being comfortable with the shape I have now. It's a bit confusing how the discomfort comes and goes.

    So... Yeah. I'd appreciate any help offered, and I'll answer any questions that may help.
     
    #1 Zaad, Jun 24, 2021
  2. Oddsocks

    Oddsocks
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    Location:
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    Out Status:
    Some people
    I mean, that definitely sounds like Gender Stuff is going on to me. I relate heavily, if I'm honest, to shifting between, "This isn't exactly it but it's fine, I can work with this" and "This feels distinctly off and I don't like it." Fluctuating as it might be, it sounds like you experience gendered dissonance/dysphoria and while that's not the sole predicator of Gender Stuff, the fact that you've felt outside the lines and uncomfortable with either binary situation feels pretty dang, well, non-binary as an outside observer.

    I guess what I'd ask is, is there a particular reason you're searching for a more-specific label? Nonbinary, genderqueer, androgyne, etc. are solid catch-alls, and there's no necessity to pin your experience down to the detail in a single word. They're just broad waves at "my gender situation is not a binary cis/trans situation", and there's so much variety within those experiences that the terms themselves are roomy and have plenty of space for your individual relationship with gender. (On the other hand, if you're basically semi-comfortable as female-ish, demigirl sounds like a solid fit!)
     
    #2 Oddsocks, Jun 24, 2021
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