For years I've been reading coming of age coming out stories. My book shelf contains about ten books on the subject. Some of the books are a collection of short coming of age stores - anthologies. I've learned so much from these books and actually cherish them. A bit strange how an adult male could cherish stories about teens who are gay and coming out. Validation (psychological term) is the affirmation of a person from another. Definition from web search: Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person's thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable. Self-validation is the recognition and acceptance of your own thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors as understandable. I was never validated when a teen for being gay. I love it when I see an article validating something I've done. Article title: The Healing Power of Queer Coming-of-Age Stories Link: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/13/...-books-film-pride.html?searchResultPosition=1
This is what I really valued about EC when I first joined. Knowing that other people had or were feeling and experiencing the same things, really helped me to validate my own feelings and experiences. I’m glad that you can now find validation in these stories.
Being validated by positive actions is a great confidence boost. An amazing adrenaline boost is created. vulnerability is the key to validation. Use it wisely and you can shed shame. Use it improperly and it can send you in the wrong direction. Remain vulnerable and continue to boost your confidence, self esteem and self respect!
I too have been an avid reader of teen and young adult coming of age stories. I think, like you, that it validates me in some deep way. But also, in a bittersweet way, it reminds me what I missed when I was young and buried deep in the closet. So deep that my closet had a closet.
I have to second what was mentioned earlier about EC. Knowing there are other people searching for answers the same as I am, restarting their lives to live in their truth has given me a lot of strength and validation, especially at my age.
I can understand wanting to this. If I remember correctly, the book "The Body Keeps The Score" there is a one type of therapy that 'reconstructs' your early family life through art. Maybe that part of us needs positive stories and role models that weren't around and maybe they help process that part our lives or identify with the character but have a positive outcome. I know how important self-validation is, but at some point I think validation of sexuality is important too. I was very nervous when I first called LGBTQ help lines, but I was amazed how good it felt to be 'talked to' like a gay man, and to actually be called gay in a loving, affirming positive way.
I think some of us later in lifers find inspiration from coming of age stories as a gay teen. We were denied that opportunity so it only seems logical we would be drawn to stories of teens who early on could openly validate their sexuality with shame.
Not strange at all. I cherish them too. I've also been reading all the gay romance fiction I missed out on. I never could understand why my wife liked reading romance novels. I get it now. I just needed the right material.
I like that validation can help give us comfort with our feelings, interest, and how we present ourselves. It’s so easy to look down on ourselves for any one of these things, but validation can help us feel better about them.
Ok I have a confession. I hid the fact that I read gay teen romance stories, novels at first. But I felt a deep sense to connect and understand so I pressed on, sneaking each successive book. Oh ya.
Brainwashed said the magic word: validation. That’s what I feel I don’t have…as a sexual being. Be it with women or men.
