I feel like I have everything I will ever need in this lifetime, which makes it hard to write this and complain. I have worked so hard to get where I am and I couldn't be anymore proud of myself. I graduated nursing school last year... accepted a dream offer as a registered nurse with great income.... and purchased a home...HOWEVER, im so lonely. im scared I will be single for the rest of my life. I want a relationship so bad, but I have a tough time in social situations. I guess you can say I have some pretty bad social anxiety, which makes me come across as weird (at least I think so). I don't have many friends, except the ones at work (those friendships stay at work). I am overweight, which I feel like is a setback in the hookup culture of our community. I feel like no one can ever love me, but I know I need to love myself first. I just have so much trouble doing so. I really don't know what im doing here right now. I guess I just needed to vent and I really want someone to talk to cause I feel so lonely.
Loneliness is a common feeling, especially during the pandemic. However, your relationship status or appearance should not dictate your self-worth. It's better to be single than in a toxic relationship, and hookups are very different from love. One thing you might consider is "body neutrality," which tries to get away from unhealthy extremes of negativity and positivity to just appreciating the body as it is, like having mobility and basic functions. And remember to try very hard to think in terms of absolutes ("no one can ever love me") because you don't know everyone in the entire world: there are many people who like and love heavier guys. While it's a little tough now, try to develop friendships with other gay men to network and find potential matches outside the (more hookup-oriented) dating app universe. And just doing things to make connections outside of work can really help with both social anxiety and potential relationships.
You acknowledged some wonderful things about your life--your career, your house, and your pride in yourself. Congratulations. I too have experienced social anxiety that resulted in periods of isolation. But social anxiety is treatable and I suspect that once you have dealt with it, your concerns about your loneliness, self-image, and self-worth will be easier to handle. You understand that loving yourself first is important, so taking the necessary steps to deal with your issues may not be as difficult as you fear. In my experience, making a small network of friendships resulted in opportunities to meet guys who were worth knowing and loving. Attend special-interest gay groups (a pot-luck group, a book club, football, religious, etc.) could be a good place to start. You have to let people see how wonderful you are. One of my best friends introduced me to a man that I've been with ever since. You are a work in progress and you are worth the work. Reaching out here is a good step. I'm sure other people will have some good advice for you. And we are here for you.
I too suffer from social anxiety and have felt the loneliness you describe. It’s not easy putting yourself out there and when you do the stress of it can make it seem rather daunting and at time not worth it. What I will say is this.. reaching out here has helped me so much, sometimes it’s not hearing the right advice but more that there is a community that care, listen without judgement and truly want to make you feel less alone. You’ve made the right step in putting your feelings out here and you will find many people who will make you feel a part of large support network, a great one at that. Remember, you’re doing amazing and you’ve got this!
