When I told my mom she told me that there was no way I was transgender because I was too feminine.Is this transphobic or just my mom looking out for me?
It could be any number of things from ignorance about what being trans means to outright transphobia. You’d have to factor in other things she’s said or opinions she seems to have to really know. Your outer appearance and physical attributes don’t determine who you are at the core. But it can be a cognitive dissonance for a lot of people so might just be something she needs to overcome as she learns more about how you feel and identify. Hang in there.
I would say it's most probably your mom caring for you, but in a way that she thinks is right and you don't think is right.
Without knowing your situation fully, but as a mom myself I would say she was surprised by what you said and trying to process it. She needs time to adjust and to see you as a new person. It will take time. Please remember you've had time for self discovery and self acceptance. Be open to her questions without judgement or defensiveness. Show love, grace and acceptance if you expect it in return.
It sounds like she doesn't understand that gender doesn't equal adherence to a gender role. Is it transphobic? Yeah, like at a fundamental level it is transphobic to say someone can't be trans because they don't "act enough like" their gender. But (I hope) it might not come from a place of any malice, and more from a place of not knowing better. I hope she's open to being informed. A trans man can be feminine, because a cis man can be feminine, because a man can be feminine. Fingers crossed she's able to contemplate and absorb that. <3
Kermitisodd.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! There is a sub-forum here on EC that is titled "Gender Identity and Expression". If you post there I think you'll find people who will understand how you feel and will be able to offer support and understanding! I do think that your mother really does not understand what being trans means. It will be up to you to gently bring her along so she can see what it means to gain a son. Posting in the GI&E sub-forum will give you access to a lot of folks who have gone through the same kind of things that you are facing. I really do think you'll find help there! You can also ask questions in any of the other sub-forums by creating a new thread or by joining in a conversation-thread that is already going. You can also post a message in anyone's Profile Page after you have made at least ten posts yourself. If you have a question that is somewhat private you can always send a Private Message to any Staff Member. Normally Private Messages can only be exchanged between two Full Members, but a PM to a Staff Member is an exception. We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets! .....David
