Sorry in advanced for the long story. I lived a pretty sheltered life growing up, major anxiety and depression, was never in a relationship until after graduating college and only guys. I started questioning if I was a lesbian or bi since my sophomore year of college (10 years ago). That year I had a roommate that introduced herself as lesbian, meeting her seemed to kick start something. I was so attracted to her, she was sweet, sexy, brave... and had a girlfriend, so even if I could had built up the nerves to act on anything I would never hurt a relationship. She is now a he, when he came out as trans a couple years after. Fast forward to today, I have a friend that lately I just cannot keep my eyes off of her and she is just my best friend all around, but she is in a relationship with her amazing boyfriend of 3 years. Back to my attempts of having a relationship, all 3 were guys. First gave mixed signals, he was so wishy washy, wanting to be friends then more than friends then back to friends, we ended up having a friends with benefits type of relationship. Being the first time being sexually active ever, it was so confusing and just meh. Next was more of a hook up relationship, I was mainly experimenting with this one, but he pushed me too far a couple times that turned me off of any type of relationship for 3-4 years. The last attempt of having a relationship, he was so focused on trying to make me orgasm that it hurt and triggered the negative feelings from the last attempt. Long story short, I am attracted to girls but too afraid to even try to be with a girl because of the risk of being triggered, so at the moment I am sorta stuck in limbo of questioning but pretty sure I am lesbian. I am finally able to tell this to myself out loud about my attraction to the same sex but scared to even try (covid doesn't help at all either). Has anyone else been afraid to take that leap to finally act?
Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and take the plunge. It can be a little scary but everything new is. I was the same way until I got a few men under my belt(no pun intended). Now I look forward to new men, some turn out to just be good friends others more intimate. It all helps to extend your experiences and networking.
Sounds like your embracing your true self and the experience and keeping your options open. Does not make you sound like a whore lol I only hope I can embrace that same feeling myself with my own experiences someday soon
