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Does my straight "social" environment give me doubts?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by SteveBi45, Jun 11, 2021.

  1. SteveBi45

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    As some of you may have read, I am working out how to get the courage to come out, especially to my wife. I think the hesitation is because, even though I know I'm bisexual I'm still having doubts sometimes and I wonder if this is because of my environment.

    Our social world and environment in mostly heterosexual. We live in a small town close to a big city, but the immediate area is small and conservative. I think my doubts come up as I try to play the role of being straight the whole time.

    Over the years I have notice myself being much more relaxed around LGBT+ people. Even though I'm not out, I have the feeling that all of those I have met knew and I've noticed a few surprise/knowing expressions from them in the past - as if they're saying "well you're definitely not straight".

    So I have taken a first step and contacted a LGBT+ group. Not directly here in my town, but in the city. They are planning a meetup soon in the next couple of weeks and I'm thinking about going along to see if this helps.

    I'm starting this thread to ask if any of you have had similar thoughts or feelings and this experience of being more relaxed in LGBT+ company.
     
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  2. PatrickUK

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    I think the area we live and work in certainly has a bearing on our level of comfort in coming out. LGBT people who live in big cities with a visible community tend to have an easier time of it than those of us who live in relatively small or isolated towns and villages. It's not that we don't exist in those places, but we don't tend to congregate or remain there. Many LGBT people move to the bigger cities just to be amongst friends and experience that sense of community and support.

    Going along to a meetup would seem to be a good start. Hopefully you will be able to make some connections and friends and build up a support network as you face the challenges ahead. That can only be a good thing.
     
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  3. Bastion

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    My social straight environment is the same so I know what you mean. I haven’t met any bi people. I have met gay and lesbian people. The gay guys I have met don’t want to be friends unfortunately as they are looking for partners. So yeah i think an lgbtq+ support group would be a better idea.
     
  4. quebec

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    Steve.....I can well remember the first time that I went to a gay mens group. :old_wink: I had met with my gay therapist before...it was the only time since 1972 that I had been around anybody who was out gay. But that was just one person! :old_smile: I entered the room with the men's group and there I was in a room with 9 gay guys. :old_eek: I didn't really know what to say or how to act. I know, I know...just act normal! But I didn't know what normal meant in this situation. :old_oops: It turned out to be a great night...that I obviously haven't forgotten! I think that you will have a great time when you are with a group of guys who will almost instinctively understand what you are saying and what you don't say! :old_cool: So go and have a great time...ask questions, share you problems. It's a good guess that someone in that group will have dealt with things similar to what you are dealing with. But most important of all relax! :old_big_grin:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #4 quebec, Jun 17, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2021
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  5. StillAround

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    Steve,

    I was in a similar situation. I knew that I needed come out to my wife. I knew I was gay, I was already 69 years old, and I was desperate to live an authentic life.

    I came out after a week here, encouraged by so many in similar situations. But now I needed help in navigating the aftermath. I googled support groups and found one that was 90 minutes away. It was a group specifically for gay and bi fathers, and met weekly for 90 minutes, after which some of the attendees would walk down to a local gay bar and just hang out socially.

    I was terrified at my first meeting. There were 7 of us, ranging in age from 40s to my age. We went around the table introducing ourselves and saying what brought us to the group. I took a deep breath and then just unburdened. I had never before experienced the support and acceptance of a group of people like this. Each of us had a different story, but we all shared and learned from one another. Even though I had a 3-hour round trip for each meeting, I went every week for all out a year.

    I can honestly say that Empty Closets, and the support group, saved my life and gave me the perspective and support I needed to keep moving forward.

    So, long story short, I hope you find what you're looking for at your meeting.

    As to your question, I've always felt more relaxed around LGBT+ folks! My support group holds monthly potlucks that are usually attended by 15-20 guys. Some are gay, some bi, one trans. It's a place where I can be myself--something not easily achieved in a small town.
     
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  6. SteveBi45

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    Thank you guys for sharing your stories and giving me encouragement. It is indeed nerve wracking when I think about meeting the group. Also when I consider coming out, but one step at a time.