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Queer used( How I feel)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Lemony, May 27, 2021.

  1. Lemony

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    I understand the word has been remade into a positive thing but it should, I repeat not be used as a general term for lgbtqIa+ people. I’m bisexual and if one person calls me queer or puts me in that category I will be very upset.

    No thought about how people may feel very uncomfortable with this word due to it’s use of being a derogatory word. In my honest opinion it is like calling all people with a disability in 20 years time. Retards. “Retard and proud” “Retard youth”

    I am so upset when I see this used as a majority. “Queer community” I am not queer I am bisexual. I respect if you identify with it but I do not and not everyone does or feels safe with that word.

    Rainbow community sounds so much better or just lgbtqia+.
     
  2. SteveBi45

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    Growing up the term was negative, so for me it’s never a term I would use, unless someone tells me this is how they would like me to refer to them as. But even then it would be awkward for me.
     
  3. johndeere3020

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    I can NEVER embrace that word.
     
  4. Tuesdayok

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    Agree. It’s a personal thing & needs to be respectful.
     
  5. Tuesdayok

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    Agree with that should never be assumed an individual is ok with it.
     
  6. Tuesdayok

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    It is important to accept what you are comfortable with regarding terms used & words. It is about being free to be you & not something you are not comfortable with merely as others say or think is ok to use as global terminology.
     
  7. DecentOne

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    Personally, not I word I accept - it was too much of a playground bully insult.

    But I’m ok with younger folks embracing it. I really respect how one person I know in his 30’s uses it to put together all the facets of himself. It seems to bundle the way he is, rather than a string of other descriptors (he might have chosen something clunky such as gay-gender bending-kink-out proud).
     
  8. MistyMorn

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    I agree. Labels alone bother me quite honestly. Even lesbian. I have a very hard time using this because of the derogatory names and comments associated with it. People who grew up in the time where being anything but straight was absolutely impermissible I feel have negative feelings attached to certain labels. For me there is a lot of pain surrounding things like this because of the shame associated with the terms. Sorry went a little off topic.
     
  9. HM03

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    I'm really thankful that the word was phased out (in a negative context) by the time I got to the age where it'd be used to bully. I'm a bit older than you, so perhaps it being phased out was both an era and regional thing.

    Since I've only heard it in a positive or neutral way, it doesn't bother me at all, but can respect why others are hurt by the word. If people wanted to reclaim, for example, the 'f' ones, I'd be upset too since that was a source of bullying personally.
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    I'm not keen on the word either and I've never really subscribed to the idea of reclaiming. I've heard homophobic people call us queer on the basis that we call ourselves queer... these are people who don't appreciate nuance or the idea of reclaiming and regard it as fair and legitimate to target us with the same word we use amongst ourselves.

    I think television series like Queer as Folk and Queer Eye gave a certain amount of traction to the usage of the word within the LGBT+ community, but for reasons mentioned above, I don't see it as helpful. I know some members of the community are totally relaxed about it, but it's definitely not for me.
     
  11. quebec

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    I'm not overly comfortable with "queer" as it was a very bad word when I was young. However, if someone else is ok with the use and doesn't mind it, then that's fine with me. I think it's personal preference at this point in time...to each his own!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  12. gravechild

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    It wasn't particularly common to hear here, and I've always embraced being different, so yeah
     
  13. Canterpiece

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    I rather like using the word queer in reference to myself (however I publicly go by lesbian or gay), since I've been insulted before due to my apparent lack of normalcy. One time I even had someone scream in my face asking why I couldn't just be normal and telling me that I'd never succeed, which stuck with me over the years. There's something freeing about turning around and saying "Yes, I'm weird, but I don't care because it's a part of me and I'm going to thrive anyway and there's nothing you can do to stop me".

    I even feel the same about the word retard, for so long I've been made to feel like an idiot for struggling with things that are apparently easy but aren't for me or with things that should come naturally that just don't. It is thrilling to just take all those insults and own them. At this point, I don't care about people using anti-gay language to me, I used to, but I've worked through my trauma and I just don't feel a connection to those words in a way that could hurt me.

    Still, I can understand why not everyone likes those words. I'd never call someone that if they were uncomfortable with it.
     
  14. clockworkfox

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    Both of these are EXACTLY what I love about the word queer.

    For me personally, it can sometimes be difficult to find the word that works - when I say "I'm gay", some people don't fully understand what I mean by that, because I'm also trans, and gender nonconforming. When I say "I'm queer", they still might not get the nuances of what I'm saying, but they know enough not to push me to describe the facets of my identity further. Queer has the magical ability to take the pressure off when people push me for a "better" explanation, at least in my personal experiences so far.

    I can see how it carries a sting for some people - it's been used as a slur and an insult for ages. But the more I own it, the less it hurts and the sillier it sounds if anyone tries to insult me with it. That said, if I know someone I'm in the company of doesn't like being referred to with the word, I don't refer to them with the word. It's a personal choice to turn that venom into medicine.
     
  15. Chip

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    Given a choice, I'd rather be "a bundle of sticks" (faggot) than "Strange or odd, or of questionable character" (queer.) My friends and I throw "fag" around all the time, and I use "poof" a lot (which is British. And "rainbow" sounds a little... gay. :slight_smile:

    Other gay euphamisms that I find amusing (all very dated):
    Friend of Dorothy
    Light in the loafers
    Wears lace In his drawers

    So no 'queer' for me.
     
  16. Loves books

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    I don’t like the word queer. I’ve never liked it. To me the word just means weird or odd and I’d rather not associate that with sexual orientation.
     
  17. Libertino

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    I like the word. I prefer linguistic efficiency when available. The oft-mocked "alphabet soup" I find puts people off.

    Though I am asexual and a marginal member of the community anyway.
     
  18. quebec

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    Libertino.....You have a quote about Indifference on your all of your posts and I want to assure you that we are not indifferent to someone who is asexual! You are very much a part of our LGBTQIA+ "alphabet soup" Family! :old_smile: We do care...very much!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
  19. chicodeoro

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    I'm not a fan of the word 'queer' myself. On one hand it's too vague as a descriptor. On the other, for me, it still carries unfortunate connotations of the weird, strange, the 'other'. I don't think of myself as any of those things. I'm incredibly normal and I don't want to be part of a self-marginalised LGTB+ ghetto, which I think the word 'queer' hints at.