Hi, I'm a 23 year old woman. I identify as the same gender as assigned at birth, use she/her pronouns and have only been in one serious relationship with a man. I have felt romantic attraction to both men and women but only ever had the chance to act on feelings towards men (I've kissed a girl but only dated guys). I know I'm sexually attracted to males but I'm not sure if I'd have sex with a woman. I think I will marry the man I'm with now but I'm confused about what that means for my identity. If our relationship broke down, I'd be open to dating either a man or woman depending on who I meet and would possibly have sex with a woman (but I'm not 100% sure on that). Am I straight if I stay with this guy forever and never end up in a relationship with a woman or would I still be biromantic/heterosexual? I'm worried that staying in this relationship but using the biromantic/heterosexual labels might undermine/offend the LGBT+ community.
Hi opulentbagel, Welcome to Empty Closets! I'm bisexual, but in a monogamous marriage with my wife, been together just over three decades. I just came out (to myself and to her) three years ago or so. I have never kissed a guy, dated a guy, etc. But I do fantasize about guys, especially in recent years (that was a shift for me, and led me to therapy and figuring out I wasn’t straight, I was bi). I think it is completely ok to say I am bisexual, even though I’m never going to act on it. I marched in pride waving a flag and wearing clothes that showed I was bi. Please give yourself permission to embrace the bi label if you think it fits how you feel your orientation is! I will suggest that if the man you love doesn’t know you have had romantic attractions to women, it is good to be honest before marriage. If he has trouble with that, he’s not the right guy for you, or he has serious work to do. Even if you never crush on a woman, it is a part of you and having a partner that respects and honors the full/real/authentic you is important.
