Do you ever stop hating your sexuality?

Well, at least you have accepted that you are gay, and you say you are accepting of other LGBTQ - what about your friends and family are they the same way?

This is a very common feeling. Some people find coming out to others - people they don't know - easier than coming out to family. It can be very scary to introduce what seems like a radical change to a relationship. That would involve getting to know people in the community - maybe a support group, for example.

Having a goal like that could be very helpful to make the change you want in your life. Read some of the stories here.
when I came here i had been in denial for years, and my fingers were literally shaking when I typed "I think I might be gay". Slowly periods of being comfortable and then happy about started to come more and more often the more I read and wrote here....

What is stopping you from meeting some?

 

Welcome to EC.

You would benefit from therapy.

Has your family been openly homophobic? Why do you think that they would react so badly? If they do react badly could you simply limit your interactions with them?

At least you do understand that it would not be fair to trap someone in such a situation, please do not do this. I allowed myself to be coerced into pretending that I was male and the results were disastrous for all involved. Rather than doing that I should have fully accepted myself earlier.

No, it is an option but far from the best option. The best option is to work on self acceptance and then find someone who you can actually be happy with and who would be happy with you.

For me the big issue was my gender identity, once I accepted that the orientation was easy to accept though difficult to actually learn what it was (demisexual). I moved away from my unaccepting family, I wish that I had totally cut them off but I did not. Being far from them though did allow me to start living as my true self.

You say you live in an accepting country so there must be people who are out. Sure it is more difficult with the current viral situation but that is going to go away eventually. Once it has look for a local group and start meeting people. I lived in a very conservative and unaccepting part of the USA but was still able to find LGBT+ people to meet with. Being around others was a help.

 

Is it really your sexuality that you hate? Really? Think about this question carefully and ask yourself where such hatred comes from, because none of us are predisposed to hating anything. Feelings of hatred normally arise from the messages we receive from our peers, relatives and wider society. What messages have you received?

When you look at this quote from your post, ask yourself where all of this is coming from.

I can assure you that it really isn't a good idea to go against your instincts and force yourself to date a man. Many people have tried that before and it only causes more pain and distress in the long run. If you are struggling to understand why you feel so bad about your sexuality it might be a good idea to talk it through with a therapist who can help you to unpack everything.

 

I’m a guy and had a lot of similar thoughts. I found talking to a female friend helped massively. If you have a male friend perhaps talking to them will help and you will realise it’s not a big deal and people actually, as I have found, don’t care as much as I anticipated.
Just a thought, I’m no expert but opening up to a female helped hugely

 

Thank you for being so honest and putting the question out there.

I don't think I've ever hated my sexuality. I hated the process of figuring it out, but now that I can say I'm bisexual (at least to myself for now) is a great feeling for me. I do hate how our society and our teaching growing up was more focused on being heterosexual and how this makes it so difficult to come out and be open about it. I do think this is slowly changing, and I have hope for my kids generation, that this will be much easier for them.

 

The almost unyielding focus on the heteronormative programming is starting slowly to recede however it still impacts us. We are brought up to believe a man and wife is the only viable and ultimately satisfying arrangement for everyone. It simply isn’t true. Same sex relationships and same sex love is just as valid. There is nothing dirty nor immoral about enjoying a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex. That is just societal static playing in your head. It’s time to tune that garbage noise out and embrace who you are.
Dating or marrying someone of the opposite sex just for family or society sake is a huge mistake. Take it from someone older who has been there. The only result is bitterness on both parties for missed opportunities at happiness. As gay people we cannot truly give a heterosexual what they need to be happy and vice versa. It is a recipe for disaster somewhere down the line. I suggest you find a gay support group or better yet a LGBTQ skilled counselor to help you navigate the situation you find yourself in. You must first become comfortable with who you really are. The rest will fall into place. You have plenty of time to work this out.

 

People sometimes tell me gay love isn't real and it's disgusting and gross and nothing like straight love and I personally never know what to tell them. I completely agree. Why are people gay? It just doesn't make sense to me. That being said, I don't hate it at all. I don't think gay love is gross in fact it's really wonderful. It's like the 2013 song Same Love. Gay love is love. It's just not straight love.

Around my family and some of my friends I'm not allowed to seem gay either. They just don't want to hear about it, you know? Sadly it will change how they see you because many will have thought of you as straight for years and years.

Definitely do NOT find a gay guy that would make no sense lol and you might be surprised but I personally feel that gay men and lesbian women have very little in common.

Finally it makes a WORLD of difference once you meet lgbtq people in real life so don't worry! It will make your life so much easier to have friends who are so similar to you.

I don't really have any stories but for background I did a lot of sports as a kid... In my area at least, lots of straight people flock to sports and athletics whereas the gays flock to theater and music, so I felt like a fish out of water. So I just can't emphasize how much it helped me to have a few close gay friends in real life in the last few years. It's like you finally don't have to worry about how you act all the time around them. For me, it made me more confident.