Hope

First and most important is a healthy relationship with yourself. Learning to accept and love who you are. Once you have that self belief, you will have hope and confidence.

 

A healthy relationship definitely starts with you. I agree with learning to accept and love who you are because once you've done that you will cast off a lot of 'baggage' that you would otherwise take into a relationship. The other thing I would say is to set boundaries and stick to them, so you don't end up in a cycle of involvement with deeply wounded or toxic individuals.

Once you know yourself and know what you want, you'll stand a much better chance of finding that healthy relationship.

 

That is so true.

For me, it's also the thought 'well it's happened before so it can happen again!'

 

It's really tough going out on your own when you are older. You have to know that there are others just like you who are trying to find their way, and trying to find someone special. You are very definitely not alone.

 

This post really speaks to me. However, there seem to be a lot of deeply wounded or toxic lesbians out there, perhaps because anyone not in those categories is likely to be paired up or not wanting a relationship anyway. Forgive me for perhaps stereotyping as I am feeling battered and bruised from my two relationship experiences and trying to learn about myself through them so that in a future time I will be able to make more compatible choices.

 

The two things that gives me hope I will be in a healthy relationship one day with a partner are:

I have been single for the past 4 years after I realised the pattern of toxic relationships I was getting myself into, and in this time I have found the real me, including the real gay me, and I am learning to love myself for it.

I have an amazing and fulfilling life as a single guy and father, with more meaning and happiness than at any other time in my life.

These two things have made me realise that a relationship is the least important thing in my life, which strangely enough, makes me realise I am totally ready to meet someone and not repeat the mistakes I have made in the past.

Thanks for asking that question, it's made me really think about many a lot of things and realise how far I have some.

Paul x

 

Paul you make me feel less alone and you give me hope that being a single gay Mum can be a good experience.

 

I have found that being vulnerable is the most ... bonding thing one can express with others who are also vulnerable.

 

There is a beautiful paradox in this, isn't there? I don't believe you can truly experience love until you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of another person, to open yourself up and face the knowledge that the love that you crave may one day be taken away from you.