What are you thinking?

I’ve never met someone that said, “I don’t want grandchildren.”

 

Well now you have. I also wish that I had not submitted to the pressure to have children.

 

How my dog can occupy herself for over an hour with a rawhide bone ( I bought it over 6 months ago and she never even touched it before now) but I can’t find anything to do when I have 3 streaming services, over 1500 books and a switch. I don’t see how an hour of repeated gnawing is entertaining to any creature.

 

Exactly! And having to painstakingly describe what your going through for them to just say it will be fine and then they move on.

 

I'm thinking about my test on Saturday, wondering if I'm the only crazy person who follows metaphysical stuff without going over the top, and if

 

Sorry I messed up. I wrote a reply to this above that starts with "Exactly!"

 

(to continue my quoted thought above) if I can ever get her off my freaking mind, AND if I can ever figure out how to post messages without screwing them up today!!!

 

Thinking about a story I'm currently working on.

 

Hoping my dad is done reading the newspaper that I threw on top of a spider that was running TOWARDS me. I thought it was supposed to be scared of me but it was coming right at me. I stepped all over the paper to make sure it was squished. I am an enemy to any spider I come across. I’m also an arachnophobe who screams and freaks out if I find a spider on me.

 

Honestly, they're so blind and you're so big it was probably wandering without knowing exactly what it was headed towards. Or shade. It could have "seen" your shade and wanted someplace to hide

 

...how did I confuse Jane Lynch and Jean Smart?

 

You ever just get so overwhelmed that your body heat rises, you start yelling at people and need a weighted blanket to calm you down? I wonder if that's a common experience. As an adult I thought I'd have better control of my emotions by now.

 

Might have to switch from a 3:30 PM start to 6 AM [work] start. Not looking forward to that, but you'd do it too for a cheque

 

Have you ever been checked for ASD? It happens to me a lot, not being angry but people end up perceiving me as angry. (though weighted blankets are not a thing for me, I dislike being pressed like that or even having tight clothing)

 

I've been down that pipeline before a couple years back. My personal theory is that I'm probably on the edges of a few conditions. There was a thread here about ASD where someone told me that I might want to look into ADD (figures since there's overlap in symptoms) and being a highly sensitive person. I spent some time in ASD spaces and I learnt some concerning statistics about employment and ASD. My employment prospects already aren't that great and so much of ASD is posed around the behaviour of 5 year old boys rather than adult women. I'm pretty used to having issues that are dismissed and I have a rather jaded view of the mental health sector in general.

So often people are passed around and you get absolutely nowhere. That was my experience with trying to get support for learning difficulties. I've come to the conclusion that having a diagnosis of any kind is a privilege. Yet it also sets you back. So all you can do is learn to cope unless you have connections. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss.

I dislike being pressed at the sides of my body but I like it at the front (not too much of course, I don't want to feel crushed). Hugging a pillow or myself works too, or a cold towel on the face. Dark room, put on some music or a film... unwind. Attempting to socialise when in this state is a very bad idea (or doing something like cooking), I can't stay calm when I try to do so and it can be difficult to process what people are actually saying to me when I'm like this - it feels blurry somehow. Like trying to deifier a radio signal that you haven't fully tuned into. My body heat rises and I get angry. I verbally lash out unless I immediately leave. However, I'm fairly good at recognising when I'm about to break and outbursts happen a lot less than they used to. I did have one recently, but that was on me - I attempted too much and should have left the situation a lot sooner.

 

I meant decipher

 

Stop trying to coerce her into having a drink. If she doesn't drink, she probably has very good reasons.

 

Who?

 

Exactly! I don't drink and I find myself really having animosity toward people who can't respect my decision

 

I'm thinking should I clean my windows or is it going to rain...