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My nephew's behaviour is not sensible

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Vega222, May 25, 2021.

  1. Vega222

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    I've been living with my sister and her teen son for some months. I can't go out much, so have been unable to visit other relatives in their house. My brother lives not far from here and I've been missing them. Not that I don't see them at all. But I want to see my brother's children for longer, not just some short visits.

    My sister's son is about 17 and he had some arguments with my brother's son (around 12) many months ago. And after that he haven't been allowing my brother's son to come to this house and visit us. Even after some months and even when we promise he wouldn't come to his room and will never talk to him, he doesn't agree that they come here. If we say they want to come here or try to persuade him, he gets irritated and extremely stressed.

    Now, my mum is here for some days (had just an eye surgery) and my brother just informed us they'll going to come here for visiting mother. That triggered my sister's son and made him angry in a way that we couldn't help but asking them not to come, saying we'll visit them ourselves in my brother's house.

    My point is, shouldn't he just consider others too? I really want to see my brother's children, but my sister's son says I can't bear them to be in the house (even if they don't come to his room)! It's just seems very selfish and illogical. I don't know what to do with him.

    I just don't feel like making a long post and omitted many details. And made it as short as possible.
     
  2. SteveBi45

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    Sorry, but whose house is it? I would never allow my son to decide who I invite into my house. Your sister needs to tell him who’s the boss.
     
  3. Loves books

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    Tell him to grow up. He shouldn’t get to run the show and giving in to his ridiculous demand will only make him worse. It’s time he started acting his age and not like a spoilt little kid. He needs to understand that the whole world will not adjust itself according to his preferences. If you have to, get him out of the house for a few hours and have your brothers family over then. They can visit and he never has to know.
     
    SteveBi45 likes this.
  4. resu

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    Yes, your sister is the parent and should be the one to decide who comes. If her son is not happy, maybe let him go out for some time when the others are visiting. Longer term, you should probably talk to each boy separately and see what’s their reasoning for the argument.
     
  5. Vega222

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    This is a bit more complicated. I think my sister is partly blamed for this. She sometimes talks negatively about my brother's son and his mother when she talks with her son. Also, generally, the family has raised my sister's son badly. I mean, he was the first grandchildren of the family (so they were very excited) and they somehow raise him with too much care and kindness. Especially my mother and my sister. So, he was raised to BE a selfish person somehow.

    On the other hand, I know the 12yo boy. He has been probably behaving in a way that extremely annoyed and pestered my sister's son. So, can't put all the blame on my sister's son. On the day I posted this thread he said I had forgiven him like 39 times and he is just impossible and unbearable.

    Ok, so now to answer to your post, with that kind of raising, it is really hard to act like that for us. He is not so obedient. Also, I mentioned that his mother is not so keen to invite them too. On that certain time yes, she wanted them to come, insisting that it will be the last time but her son didn't agree.

    But the problem is that we have a quite different definitions of being logical and being selfless. He is the one who demand more understanding! When they wanted to come and visit us, he complained that we didn't care about hurting his feeling! I mean, it's hard to reason with him. This is the reason I opened this thread. I simply don't have arguments against his arguments! How can I make him understand that this is selfish?
     
    #5 Vega222, May 27, 2021
    Last edited: May 27, 2021