What are you thinking?

That's a mood. Tho now with the semester being over it's not so much an issue of me being busy as much as it is the fact that, with this seriously effed up year and the toll it's taken on me, I still don't always have the energy or mental capacity to do stuff like read very much. There's a bunch of stuff I want to do now that school is over, lowkey I want to get back into a bunch of hobbies and pastimes asap, but I've (kinda grudgingly) accepted that I have to recover and can't just dive into everything like I usually could.

 

Same as well. I don't know much, but it's very cool and I'm thinking of getting into it more.

 

I'm thinking I should trim my hair haha. I hope I don't accidentally cut it weirdly

 

I hate it when people show up without a heads up before hand.

 

IDK if I've mentioned it here yet or not but I'm seeing someone. I didn't think I was totally ready for this yet because I still have things from my past that I'm working on in therapy, but I decided to start putting myself out there anyway. I was in a relationship from high school up through part of college, but looking back on it now through 26-year-old eyes that was never a real healthy relationship. We were two emotionally immature and inexperienced fuck buddies who made really good friends. It ended because we both matured enough to realize that it really boiled down to was that it was just hormones at first and access to sex on a regular basis after that that was keeping us together and we amicably split.

As the blinders to other parts of my past trauma started to come off, I thought I was damaged goods for a while and it took a year of EMDR therapy (a technique designed for people with trauma and PTSD) to finally deal with my past and I accomplished what I thought was unthinkable even during therapy: I finally dealt with being sexually abused as a child. I can now honestly say that I don't have any emotional baggage left from it.

But anyway because that started in high school, this has been kind of uncharted territory for me. I'd never done dating apps or online dating before and I'd only once met up with a stranger from the internet for romantic purposes. We met on an app and I kind of had to rope him into our first video chat. We've been on two in-person dates, the first time we had lunch at Olive Garden and then on Saturday we spent 2 1/2 hours at Starbucks under an umbrella on their patio. We can talk effortlessly and even though we don't have a lot of common interests, we have common values and viewpoints and the thing I'm attracted to most about him is his intelligence.

Things are going so slow, mostly because he lives about 50 miles away. We've been talking for a couple months, we've now been on a couple dates, and we haven't even kissed yet. So as I'm sitting here contemplating this, an 80s song I used to listen to when I was in like 5th grade because I thought it was hilarious how random it was, suddenly makes perfect sense. I don't know how many older users we have, but it's Keep Feeling Fascination by The Human League. I still don't know what to call him. I don't think he's my boyfriend yet so I've been referring to him as my guy or my dude. But things are really going good right now. I've lost 57 pounds and I'm on track to have surgery. I'm really making big strides.

 

I thought brexit would have zero effect on me but I think that’s probably the reason Amazon is charging me a much higher tax to send things to Ireland. I get free delivery with prime but the tax which I don’t ever remember seeing before is now several euros. Did anyone actually know the full scope of brexit when they voted for it?

 

I'm thinking about how to get more involved with the LGBTQ+ community without coming out or anyone finding out plus the person who is breaking my heart

 

I need to get a part time job.

 

Trust me, full-time is better. I'm working part-time, no benefits or enough cash. The only reason why I don't go back to full-time is because it'll conflict with college.

 

I’m in the same boat. I’ll be able to work full-time soon enough. Hopefully, I’ll enjoy it.

 

I came to the epiphany that I have very little agency in my life and always look to other people for validation or to make decisions. Suffice to say this is NOT working out and I have to make a change before it's too late.

 

Favourite part of Covid19... absolutely nothing. Currently in 4th lockdown in Australia. Puppy loves it, best time ever, my hoomans are home all the time yay.

 

A

Absolutely. Unless its Uber Eats.... !!! We don’t like unannounced visitors either. Recently moved to new place & the neighbor the night we moved in knocked on the door. We went holy crap. We were so beyond exhausted, delirious, so attempting to have a conversation was not something we really wanted. Our neighbor is super lovely though & Turkish, so brings around food alot which is so sweet. My daughter & I have experienced a long history of domestic violence so that’s one reason unexpected visitors are not our preferred thing. But we keep to ourselves re privacy & being respectful re noise etc. Different if we know someone is coming over, or we are having a meeting. My pet peeve is lateness. Hate it. Always been early. Was international cabin crew so being late was never accepted. Plus always better to be earlier so you can breathe & relax before your meeting or appointment. Rude people do my head in. Especially those who treat waiters badly, & never say please nor thank you.

 

Not contradictory at all??

 

Sure would how about now to a desert island where there is no Covid19!!!

 

Me too. In lockdown number 4 in Australia. Strict cannot go out unless for medical care, vaccine, supermarket etc.

 

I have to drive to a somewhat large city today. I’m not used to it so it’s going to be “fun”

 

Hope it is heaps better now. Bullies are cowards & put their negativity & shit onto you by projecting it in your direction. Karma gets them in end. Sometimes it takes too long though

 

Tomorrow is always a good option with study or projects due. Used that one alot