Hey everyone! Currently my girlfriend is away in another country visiting her family and friends. She hasn't been able to see them since 2019 due to the pandemic so I am very happy for her! She is also a very busy (and definitely successful animation student in her second year). She has ADHD as well and texting is an issue for her. We are long distance even when she is back home, and her texting is sporatic. I have brought this up as an issue, but it hasn't improved. Sometimes I don't even feel like I am in a relationship because of how little we communicate. She is very sweet and will send me gifts in the mail occasionally, along with a little note saying she misses me, and she does usually send "Good morning" texts, but I value lengthy conversations and lots of communication. With my past few situationships and partners, we always texted in multiple paragraphs a day and I love that kind of texting! This kind of texting isn't her cup of tea though and stresses her out (understandable!). I'm worried I'm being unreasonable since she is a busy person with school, and with her being on vacation right now? She has not texted me in over 24 hours as I right this, and I am currently feeling hurt and left behind, and even cried a bit even though it's just been 24 hours haha.
My wife is the same as your girlfriend when it comes to texting. She doesn’t have ADHD, but it’s just how she is. I’ve tried to change it over the years but I can’t. I’ve learned that this is just how she is and it’s one of those things that I just have to accept. Like my wife, it sounds like your girlfriend shows her love for you in her own way. The beauty of relationships is that each partner has their own way and learning to accept one another and find a way to make it work is all part of it. Can I ask if her texting is the same now as when you met, or has it improved or gotten worse?
I think it's around the same? Maybe a bit worse since she's gotten a lot busier with school, internships, and work. I was hoping her texting would improve when school ended, but she's a person who gets stressed when she is not busy so piles herself up with work.
This is probably something that you are just going to have to accept and live with. You know that she has neurological issues. She is currently very busy with things. This is not a change in her behavior. It actually has not been that long. These things all add up to it just being how communication is going to have to happen for you guys. I do know that it is not easy but at this point it does not seem like an actual problem issue.
Have you raised the issue with her again to let her know it hasn't improved and to find out more about why this might be? I know you say she's busy and this might be a factor, but you should still talk to her about it. For me - when I raise issues like this with my wife, I see a scurry of improvement for a few weeks and then it goes back to her old habits. I've learned that at least she is trying and showing effort, but I simply can't change it. So perhaps concentrate on the positives... This sounds to me like she loves you a lot and this is her way of showing you. Long distant relationships suck in general, but I can only imagine it's harder when your partner has ADHD and therefore a different behaviour and mindset. What are your chances to live closer to each other?
I had this friend who was very similar with ADHD and I had to end the friendship. One sided and I was treated like a service. I actually had strong feelings for this girl unknown to me at the time and maybe that’s why it hurt so much more when she would barely message me or give time to care about our friendship. Was also long distance.
She definitely does love me a lot, and the same goes for me with her! I think our love languages are very different so it creates these issues. I will be living slightly closer to her next year, maybe by 30 minutes, but she is still 40 minutes away. But this will help I am sure! I will bring up the issues to her in more detail when I can see her again, end of June, because I don't want to bombard her over text since I think it isn't really a nice thing to do to bring up the bigger issues over phone or text, especially when she is visiting her family after so long. I have touched on the issues so she knows my feelings, and of course brought up the texting.
It is similar here. She doesn't treat me as a service, she is very nice and polite, but I think things can feel one-sided because she can get very focused on her projects and her own troubles. I know it isn't intentional though and she is a great girlfriend in many ways, but I do feel left behind sometimes.
Hi @Ameryllis, I can see why this would be frustrating and leave you feeling hurt. We can understand the reasons behind somebody’s behaviour and still find it hurtful. When you discussed this, did you also discuss other forms of communication? Or is texting the form of communication that your girlfriend is most comfortable with?
