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Why ocd makes me much more confused about everything ):

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sadness, May 14, 2021.

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  1. Chiroptera

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    Are you working with a therapist right now? If not, you should definitely seek professional help as soon as possible. I don't say this in a judgemental way, but considering you have OCD, these thoughts won't simply go away without therapy no matter how many times you try to "test" yourself.

    You can work with these thoughts and get better, as long as you have a professional to assist you with this.
     
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  2. QuietPeace

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    It just means that you still have OCD.

    Keep taking your medications and work with your psychiatrist and if you have one work with the therapist. Mindfulness and meditation can also help but they are long term like the medication is, they both take time to work though they can help. Just keep working on them. Remind yourself, you had a good 3 day streak. You have proven that you can do it so celebrate that and do not be angry at yourself that you fell back into it. Be gentle with yourself and simply go back to what worked.
     
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  3. Sadness

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    Actually at the moment im only with medications and psychiatrist, im actually going to talk to him today again. Im kind worried about taking a therapist now since i dont have money to pay for it for now lol. But im trying to find. Like you said thoughts dont go very easily i try my best to not think about and its working for now, i think about women bc i like but its always inside this feeling that im not enjoying as much as i should, but i dont pay attention to this. Thank you :slight_smile:

    Yes, thank you. I alwaus remember of my 3 days streak it helps me going through and feel better, i know a lot more about ocd now, and know how it works, i hope i dont have to come here again and wait for you guys to reassure me, bc i know its tiring lol. Thank you so much :slight_smile:
     
  4. ShyBirdy

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    Yay for going 3 days without testing!!! It's important to always congratulate yourself when you do things that are good for your mental health. And it's completely normal to have a setback as well- just remember that you stopped the OCD testing for a while, so you can stop it again.

    As for anxiety- it feels terrible, but it can't hurt you. And anxiety will pass- it sorta goes up and down, and then goes away if you let it go. I find that breathing and relaxation exercises help me to deal with anxiety. There are demonstrations of breathing exercises that you can find on Youtube.
     
  5. Chip

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    One step at a time... 3 days is an excellent start, and as your medication gets to the right levels, it will be 7 then 10 then 30 then 90 then 180... and on and on. :slight_smile:
     
  6. Sadness

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    Hi thank you so much :slight_smile:

    Yes i felt so bad bc of this when i lost on the 3rd day. I finally talked to my psychiatrist and i will start taking a new meds, im happy, this meds will help me stop compulsions, feeling good.

    Im watching yt videos about this, to help anxiety. Thank you so much.

    Yes, i will do ot, thank you so much chip for everything you did for me. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Sadness

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    I will say that, is very easy for me not to think about sexual stuff with guys, do this part is very easy to stop compulsions. But what worries me is, i really like to fantasize about kissing girls, awesome. But everytime i do theres this feeling somewhere in my body that makes me feel like im not emotionaly aroused i think, even if im hard and all theres this feeling that dont seem to go away and it bothers me, like im not enjoying as i should? And this triggers me to do the test with boys, this is what ive done 3 days ago when i tested myself, and so everytime i do with a boy i dont seem to get aroused, but this feeling is not there, what is there is the feeling "i dont want to do this is kind gross" where unconsciously i do a weird face lol.

    So this is what stopped me 3 days ago, and i know its like nothing, but the fact that i cant fantasize about kissing girls and feel extremely aroused bothers me, only bc of this feeling, where with men theres this tingling feeling with disgust but witgout this weird feeling. And bc of that ive been thinking, should i stop fantasizing about this and just wait until i do in real life, this kind worries me that i eont like it real life(ocd lol) even if i already kiss some girls in my life and i was very aroused by it.

    So should i stop?
     
  8. Braj

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    I am probably gay (still on the process of denial) and I have such thoughts about women. I test myself by fantasizing about women and see if I get aroused. On trying and trying, I do get some tingling sensation, and sometimes a little arousal too. But to get real hard I have to think about men. So, I must be gay... but I had some tingling and some arousal for women... maybe I am not getting a full arousal because of anxiety... so, I might be bisexual, try again... some feelings but not complete... but I had some feelings... try again. And the scenes of men and women keep flipping and it becomes even more difficult to distinguish. And I do this thought process very often, many times a day at any place. But I don't think I have OCD, it may just be because of my denial and trouble accepting my identity.

    you may read this article.. see if it is helpful International OCD Foundation | How Do I Know I’m Not Really Gay/Straight? (iocdf.org)
    knowledge is power and knowing your feelings better may help to control them.
     
    #28 Braj, May 24, 2021
    Last edited: May 24, 2021
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  9. masterofnone

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    i th
    i think you’re just gay tbh. anyone can experience a slight arousal if they force themselves to think about anything. i’m sure i could get some arousal if i really really tried to get hard with thoughts of a man. but what would really get me going without any of this and on an unconscious level is women. (i’m a straight male btw). but then again idk your full story so you could be bisexual
     
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  10. Chip

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    Sadness, you're talking in circles again. This is your OCD.
     
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  11. Sadness

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    Hi braj so sorry for what youre going through, is so painful isnt it? Day a day im diminishing my tests with men, but theres always something there that makes me so so confused and anxious, now im having problems with transwoman, i know they are women, but like im thinking about them naked and thinking about her penis and getring aroused and this makes me so confused lol. I already read this site, its very good to know about this, like you said, knowledge is everything. Wish you the best.

    I agree with him braj. Im the live proof that experience arousal testing and testing so much.
     
  12. Sadness

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    Hi chip, yeah youre right, im doing again the same thing.

    One thing ill say that makes me happy is that those thoughts about sex with men i cam completely deal with them. But what makes me sad is the struggle i have with transwoman, i know they are women and theres nothing wrong, but i fantasize about them naked and about her penis and i get completely aroused, is the sexual though that most arouses me, even with woman i have some struggle to fantasize bc i cant finish, with transwoman is something super quick and super arousing. And this makes me very anxious. Bc like im getting hard by a penis, i knowits a woman but still a penis, and this leave me with so many questions. Today i fantasized about going down on a transwoman and at first i wasnt feeling good it wasnt pleasnt fantasizing about doing a bj for her, but when i start thinking about her face looking at me i started to get more and more hard and then fantasizing about her ejaculating was weird since i was thinking about the crossdresser hentai i like to read and theres always so much focus on ejaculation so i was thinling about this while doing it so i got aroused anyway. I thought about having sex with her and finished and after that i was so anxious and disgusted. But its different from men, when i fantasize about them, until today i never ejaculated or was trully aroused. But i cant test with transwoman bc is something that makes me so much aroused, much more than straight woman.

    And bc of that i dont know someone i could talk wheter you guys bc youre supportive and help me, if i tell this to a friend of mine ill probably be called gay until i die and they will male jokes about me forever.

    Im really struggling with this, should i be getting so much arousal with transwoman as im now? After this episode im very disgusted now and a little scared.

    This is my main issue rn.
     
  13. Chip

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    That's an OCD issue. You're still talking in circles.
     
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  14. Braj

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    Thanks @Sadness for your wishes. Best wishes to you too. @Chip is right.
     
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  15. Sadness

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    Yeah youre tottally right, it was a moment of question i think, im relaxed now lol. I think ill stop having those fantasies of kissing woman and going down on them bc i think im doing to test myself too, so this doesnt help either. Maybe the fear that i have this feeling in my atomach that is not disgust but is something else that pushes me back to completely enjoy those fantasies is what continue to bring me back to the whole ritual of compulsion. Maybe bc its not like real life, i remeber kissing girls and liking it but i dint know why i have this fear that i will find it disgusting, maybe bc my kisses never lasted to long i thinl, just one time, but it was good i remember i was hard. Maybe bc fantasizing is not so enjoyable as i think it is.

    So yeah ill stop that too, thats probably a compulsion too. And just to addres i will start to take new meds this friday, i hope it helps me with the compulsions.

    Hi braj, i always read your thread, hope you doing well, thank you for your wishes. Chip is completely right, its the ocd that afects my daily life and mek me so confused.
     
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  16. Sadness

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    Hi guys.

    Im feeling kind weird bc of this ngl. I was with my friends and we decided to see cute girls online through internet, and okay it was fun and cool. But i notice that i just cant find any girl attractive anymore, yes theyre cute, but i dont have like the feeling of thinking "wow shes really cute holy shit" and i got so sad bc of it, bc it feels i cant enjoy, i actually dont remeber if i ever felt something when was attracted to a girl. All this happens bc of this tigh chest feeling that i get sometimes with men when im with anxiety. So the fact that i just cant find any girl attractive anymore makes me kind sad bc i cant see me dating now. I never had any relationship witha girl, and for some reason i dont think i can have it too, its like i dont feel nothing anymore. I wish i could have the good feeling of meeting a girl and hanging out, falling in love or just casual sex, but ir just seems so blank to me now, and i feel kind scared that ill never be able to fall in love with a girl no more, or will not enjoy any sex. And its not the fact that i get attracted to men, i dont think i am, its just that i dont feel anything anymore, is very scary and makes me feel so, so sad. There are days where i wish i could have a girlfriend to hold hands, cuddle, talk, kiss, enjoy life, but when it comes to actual doing it, i dont feel nothing for anyone, why is that? Has anyone here felt the same? I never was the type of guy that goes to a pub, see a cute girl and go try to kiss her, and i dont know why, i should enjoy this, i never tried, im ways very embaressed to kiss girls in front of my friends, since a teenager i was so pressured to go kiss girls that now i feel very embaressed to do this in front of my friends. Wish i knew what is going on with me, will i ever fall in love with a girl again? Im feeling so empty. ):
     
  17. Chip

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    This is, once again, your OCD. Once the new medication starts to take effect, you'll start to feel differently about everything.
     
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  18. Sadness

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    Yeah, im just tripping. Is just that somedays im really good and somedays feels like a total mess, like today, only a single one intrusive though on the wrong time made me test a lot. And made me think of naked men and penis for maybe 10 minutes, what can i say, i think the usual, i have this weird feeling/growing/movements down there, i really like what you said about the brain, i loved that bc it just feel completely like that, im testing but in a moment a scene of a porn or woman will appear in my head and give me arousal and i will get more anxious bc of it. Im very sad bc i really tried to stop thinking but my body wasnt listening to me at all, it was just masturbating even if i didnt want to. I ended up with trap hentai though, for some reason when this happens i get the urge to masturbate to transwoman and then i do. Well life is a mess sometimes
     
  19. Sadness

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    And i think i noticed that, everytime i masturbate to transwoman with penis, this obsession over men with penis when i test myself vanishes for a period of time, but why would this happen?

    Sorry for too much again, its probably the same thing right?
     
  20. Chip

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    More of the same. You're still going in circles. I get that the OCD is driving that. When you're tempted to post anything remotely related to any of this, you can look back at the responses and remind yourself that it's your OCD.
     
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