Hello everyone! I'm Maria Michelle. As it was already mentioned I'm lesbian, I call myself universal so that's why my pronounces he/she. I should confess that I have the single lesbian status and I have already accepted the fact that I hardly ever could together happily live with my girlfriend or even wife. Actually , I would like to raise a question concerns the various problems and troubles which one of us has to face partially every day and at the same time to share which problems I have and I really wonder if only me have such problems or not. 1) Appearance. You know when I first found myself as a lesbian I came to conclusion that I would definitely have problems exactly with my appearance. I don't say about what cloth style I wear, what type of shoes I wear, how I behavior on a public etc., no I am talking now about exactly my face! To understand me better I give you some examples from my life. Everyone knows Ruby Rose , this amazing, good-looking Australian model so if you look at Ruby, it doesn't matter what she is wearing, elegant dress or typical tomboy style cloth, you'll be sure that Ruby is lesbian and she even doesn't need to tell about this fact, put the rainbow near her name...As for me, it's not enough just to tell to someone I'm lesbian , I should stand under the rainbow flag, wear as typical tomboy, and else it's desirable if I wear for example rainbow ring style and perhaps then this someone can really express me who I was born. Yeah, from my point of view I have too gentle and too straight appearance that's why I think our community doesn't accept me! To be precise, our community says " LGBT Community accepts everyone " but in my case it looks like some straight girl just decided to support LGBT Community's people. Do you feel the difference between these two life situations? 2) Mismatch. I presuppose that my strange straight appearance works in a way also in the question of making acquaintance of girls and women. The case is that I'm totally unlucky in making acquaintance of girls because or I'm lucky to meet a bisexual girl who for sure after awhile will prefer man to me. I respect the bisexual girls' feelings but you know it's a little bit hurt when the girl you loved suddenly preferred man to me. I'm afraid of making acquaintance of girls because you know I have already know what will be the result. I never had such situation when I made acquaintance of a girl, we were dating, spending time together, loved each other but something went wrong and we just broke up. No! Usually, it happens like this: I tell you on the base of my real life situation. I recently met a girl, how I met with her? She really attracted me so I thought it would be nice if I just subscribe her TikTok channel. I didn't plan anything of course, moreover to show somehow my sympathy to her, it was enough for me just to enjoy her great job in TikTok. She's absolutely my type, strong nature girl with serious blue eyes, narrow chin lines, beautiful long hair....Turned out I'm her type too because one her TikTok announcement told about that she finally found her....She's from Netherland but you know she's nineteen and I'm thirty one....Would you like to know what was my first thought? I imagined that if she really makes me proposal it would be funny if the only one reason why we couldn't register our marriage was her age, not because of our same-sex marriage , just because for example according to Netherland's law her age considers as under-age ) I checked all her social networks pages and how do you think what makes me think to be upset about her? Of course, the fact that she is already taken! But you know it's so obvious why she is flirting with in a distance way showing her feeling differently while live streaming or just making videos. But I'm sure that the ending of this regular meeting will be the following : one day when I realized that she was just driving me crazy ( it's very important moment ) I opened her FB page and saw lots of fantastic wedding photos ) Why I think so? Because I think it's logic when you feel you love someone and already showed this feeling you have the wish to communicate somehow with your loving person to know this person better…Seems like lesbian girls look at me, then understand that I’m their type but anyway are afraid of going ahead as they’re sure of me as a totally straight…Please, tell me if I'm already so old-fashioned that I'm not in a modern trend of relationships ) So , guys , do you really think I have problems with my appearance and with the mismatching with the girls? Or I am just really old-fashioned...
Welcome to EC. I find your usage of english a little difficult to follow but I will try to answer what I think that you have said. Also, I do not know what you mean by being universal, could you explain that please. You should probably work on this. If you start with the assumption that you will never be with anyone you will be projecting this to other people and they will find it offputting. Taking your two main points With 1) appearance First, I do not know who Ruby Rose is, I have heard the name mentioned but I do not follow media. As far as the rest of it, from what I understand you saying you think that most people who are gay or straight perfectly project that. This is not correct, if it were everyone would have 100% accurate gaydar and no one would be mistaken for gay or straight when they are not. There are common stereotypes and many (if not most people) make the assumptions that all one needs to do is read those stereotypes and you will know a persons orientation but it does not work that way. For example, Most people read me as a straight woman, I am panromantic. One of the most masculine women that I know identifies as a straight cis woman. Another very masculine woman is in fact a lesbian but her wife is one of the most feminine women that I know, in fact the two of them as a couple actually appear as man and wife. In other cases I know couples who are both androgynous and some where both are feminine. People are people and not stereotypes. If you really do wish to meet someone the easiest way to do so is to be out and spend time around other out LGBT+ people. You could then develop friendships with them and that can develop into relationships. With 2) Mismatch You can be straight appearing and meet other women. If you are not out of course that will make it more difficult but if you are open then you can meet other women. The thing about a bisexual woman falling for a man. Two things about this 1) being bisexual does not mean a person cannot make a commitment. If she commits to you then she is committed and she can stay with you. 2) being lesbian does not mean that she cannot fall for another woman and leave you. A commitment is a commitment regardless of the persons orientation. As far as the rest. If you are going to try to find someone by following social media personalities you are unlikely to find a relationship. You also mention that the one you wanted to go after was already in a relationship, going after unavailable people is not a very good way to find a relationship. To actually find someone a better method is to start developing friendships, find people with common interests and spend time with them. Eventually that can develop into something more serious.
Hello Maria Michelle, QuietPeace just about covered everything there. I’d like to add that I know who you speak about when you mention Ruby Rose. She is soft butch. I am also soft butch but those who I am not out to have no idea of my gender or sexuality. They just think I’m a straight woman who is a bit of a tomboy. There are so many lesbians who are feminine as well as butch. So the way you appear has no bearing on your sexuality. Not every lesbian wants to be with someone more butch. A lot love the feminine girls. The ones you say don’t look lesbian. Attraction has a hell of a lot to do with personality too. Not so much whether someone is butch or fem. it’s more to do with the way someone projects themselves. It doesn’t matter how someone looks if they are as dull as a wet weekend in London or if they are so miserable that there’s more life in a tramp’s vest. They won’t be attractive at all. Please don’t worry about how you look. You’ll find love when you least expect it. Especially if you are mixing with likeminded people.
Thank you ) I identify me as an universal lesbian. To explain imagine the typical girly femme lesbian girl but the manners and the behavior of this girls are closer to tomboy a little bit so that's why the real tomboy girls start confusing and as a rule disappointed. One day a girl told me directly : " I expected you were totally girly femme lesbian" ) I want to say that my appearance, okay in a stereotypical way, is the femme appearance but nature doesn't match. Hope it was clear )
I fully agree with you actually but I noticed that even if I attracted a girl she tried to flirt with me, show somehow her feelings etc., but at the same time seems like something stops her to do the further steps, I mean to contact with me somehow to learn me better....I think it's a very important step because this step can possibly try to make friends but this doesn't happen ....
Thank you for your reply ) More I worry about the way of flirting with me by girls. I just came to conclusion that the reason relates to how I look. It's a little bit confused but most of the girl who I was interested in were already taken. You know, I have my girl type but it's not so important because it's more important the feelings, emotions which you express nearby this girl...
You’re welcome! One day, one of the girls will love you for who you are as a whole. In my experience, getting to know someone as a friend first and knowing everything about them forms bonds and emotions. I’m an old romantic and something just clicks into place and everything about that person seems beautiful. It’s not that you have a problem with a mismatch in looks and the way you project yourself. There are so many women who look fem but are tomboy in behaviour and they are loved. There are so many different combinations that make up a whole person.
The most important is I can love this one of the girls because sometimes I start thinking that I just cannot love, perhaps it's the main reason. It is possible that you are just not able to love someone?
I think everyone is capable of loving someone, if they allow themselves. Some people are closed off emotionally due to past hurts or whatever. Maybe you are afraid to love because you don’t want to get hurt?
