Haven't posted on here in a while but I'm feeling extremely anxious and having one of those sleepless nights with a mind that won't shut off. Quick recap: married man, late 30s, two kids, good job, comfortable life. Oh, and I'm gay. Damn inconvenient truth! After years of denial and masterfully suppressed feelings, I finally accepted that I was queer in 2018. At that same time, I came out to my wife. She was very supportive and helped me through the worst depression of my life. As time has gone on, I've come to fully accept that I'm gay but haven't been brave enough to tell my wife. Tonight, I'm fearing a shakeup of my comfortable existence, while simultaneously mourning the life I never got to live. Take a break, mind...
I am sorry that you are going through this. I know what it is like to deny and suppress while getting into and being in a marriage that is not the right fit. I hope that you are able to find a way to reconcile all of this. For my own anxiety and continually running mind I have found that working on mindfulness and using meditation helps. Neither is a quick fix and they take a lot of time and continual work but they have helped me.
Agree here with QuietPeace, Meditation really helps. Try the headspace app it is amazing. I am so sorry you are going through this we are all here for you.
I am a physical kind of guy. I need to be active to live a balanced life. I have found walking (10-12 miles every day) and weight training (3-4 times a week) is my way.
Thank you for the kind words and advice! I've tried meditation in the past using a recommended app, but stopped after the free trial ended. May need to reconsider. Out of curiosity, is this a daily practice Thank you for the kind words and advice! I've tried meditation in the past using a popular online app, but stopped after the free trial ended. May need to reconsider.
I rely on weight training as well. I'm not a morning person, but an early morning of weight training makes the rest of my day so much better.
Second on physical activity. My therapist has also basically banned me from coffee. It makes my anxiety worse. I drink green teas/matcha instead (which, you still get the energy boost but it’s a slower release and it has other chemicals that are calming). The ‘calm’ app also helps me with sleep. It’s got a section where people read stories kind of quietly and rhythmically. Can’t tell you the plot of any of them because it always puts me out. Best of luck.
I have never used any apps. I light a candle and just look at it a little out of focus. There are also a lot of books which can give advice, anything by the Dalai Lama or Jon Kabat-Zin can be helpful. Also light "meditative" music streamed on whatever source you might use. (there are many cheap used book sources especially if you are in the USA)
Wow, massive anxiety this morning! Just sent a message to a guy I met a couple months ago, and I think I totally blew it. A flood of “why do you do this to yourself” thoughts in my mind right now. I need to walk this off.
My walk did me a world of good. I took the trail through a wetlands area and focused on the beautiful morning, cool with just a hint of a breeze. A good time for me to sort myself out. After walking for about two hours, I happened upon a fallen tree, blocking the way. I decided to send a message to my friend who sometimes walks with me, to let him know about the tree, that he might want to avoid the trail. A quick response came, “I’m right up ahead of you.” So we met, and watched the work crew as they cut up the tree to reopen the trail. A good opportunity to share perspectives on the ‘hotness’ of the guys working! Then we continued walking a bit more together. We parted outside his house and I walked home. It was good to see him. I got home to a message from the guy I had earlier messaged. My anxiety was all in my head. He was supportive and is looking forward to getting together. Probably a late lunch on Saturday. So I end this day with sense of calm. A rough patch today for sure, but they are getting fewer and farther between.
I had to give up coffee altogether a couple years ago. Made me way too anxious. Green tea is also my 'go to' drink. I don't miss coffee at all.
Glad your day ended on a good note. Maybe you mentioned this in a separate thread, but do you mind if I ask you what had you so anxious about reaching out to the guy?
I find that exercise and weight lifting helps me a lot to deal with anxiety and stress of all kinds and helps me to be in a better mood. When I lost that for a while during the pandemic things got kinda stressful and I found myself being agitated a lot. Now am trying to get back to regular exercise.
