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Thinking about my parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MoonKid, Mar 30, 2021.

  1. MoonKid

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    Ive told my Mum before about a crush that was of the same gender to me ages ago but its like most of the time she acts like she is Forcing me to come out as something??? I need help :/
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    No one should be coerced into coming out. Could you just explain to her that you are not really sure yet? That what you said was simply a feeling and does not imply certainty of your orientation? That until you are sure yourself that you do not want to be "out"?
     
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  3. MoonKid

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    Thats acc brilliant advice, but she is kinda doing it subtly in a way e.g. the other day she bought me a lil rainbow flag bag,, i just kinda brushed it off but it was an add on to other things yk? Hard to find the right time to tell her that im confused ina way
     
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  4. DecentOne

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    Hi MoonKid, welcome to EC.
    If you look in the Parents threads you’ll see lots of advice to be subtle with a kid you suspect might be LGBTQ, show the kid you are open and will love them for who they are, etc. That’s because the LGBTQ person needs to come out in their own way on their own time schedule. You’ve got a good family situation it sounds like.

    I’m a parent. My kids are grown up now. And when they were younger or now that they are adults if I heard my kid say something like “I appreciate your love and attention Dad, but I’m still figuring things out and need my space” I would respect that. I hope your Mom would too if you said that.

    P.S. I got a rainbow bag from my Mom when I came out to her three years ago (yeah, I came out very late in life). She had a bag that she got from around 1980 in the back of her closet, in rainbow colors. I asked if I could have it to carry things in the pride parade two years ago and she said yes!
     
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  5. MoonKid

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    Thank you very much for this, i've noticed the parents thread but have not properly gone through it yet. I am lucky to have a supportive parent but i don't think my dad suspects, as well as that he has made some homophobic comments and such so my worry would be him noticing my mum's nudges and him saying something about it.

    I think my mum would appreciate me thanking her for her support but i need space, so thank you for that advice.

    Thats so cool about the rainbow bag.! I have a huge pride flag hiding under my matress actually, waitinh for the day i can hang it up or wear it to Pride and take my mum for the day out..!!!
     
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  6. quebec

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    MoonKid.....When someone is having a rough time coming out to their parents I often suggest they consider writing a letter. Perhaps that would work for you in pretty much the opposite situation. You could take time to say what you need to tell your mom and be sure to leave out unnecessary things. Even if you never used the letter, just writing it will help you organize your thoughts! :old_smile: If you do use the letter, you can leave it for her to find when you're not there so she has time to think about it before you and she talk again. Also...she may have some questions after she reads the letter. Try to think of what those questions might be and work to prepare answers. You will come across as a much more mature person if you have thought the process through! :old_big_grin: Hope that helps some...please keep us updated on how this works out! remember, you are apart of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  7. MoonKid

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    This means so much to me, thank you.. I can't talk to any of my friends about this or anyone so I am so thankful for being able to share some problems on EC. This is brilliant advice and a letter might put me at ease, even if i just come as far as to just writing it down. I will be sureto keep updated on the situation, Thank you :slight_smile: :grin::gay_pride_flag:
     
  8. BiGemini87

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    I don't think I can add anything to this, since everyone has already given such solid advice. I definitely agree to having a one-on-one conversation with your mom, letting her know you appreciate her support but need her to dial it back a bit; especially 1) because you're still working it out and 2) because there's still your dad to consider.

    If she tries to argue regarding the latter, stand firm. You coming out (as whatever orientation you land on) is about you and no one else. Whatever trust she might have in your father is irrelevant, because the dynamic they share is different than the one you have with him.

    Not to suggest she will argue, as I don't know her. This is more of a "just in case" thing. Otherwise, I hope she respects your wishes and lets you work through things at your own pace.
     
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