Hi. I am here as I need help finding my way. I have had a great deal of confusion all my life about my orientation. I am 42 now. All my life the feelings of begin gay ave been there but I put them aside. I have lied a straight life outside but inside I feel more... it is hard to say it. I can say all my life i have had a great deal of uncertainty about what my orientation is and i have had enough and just want to figure myself out. So I am here. I found this site because i am looking as hard as I can for answers. I have no one to reach out to so i need to find people. I am open to PMs here or advice or anything i can get. I just want to meet like minded people who might have gone though the same thing in life i am going though so i can talk and ask questions about their experiences. Help me out here i want o learn to know and to understand.
Hi and welcome @JoeMarston! This may be trite/obvious, but what helped me as I was starting questioning was making a two-column list. For me I was trying to figure out whether I was truly "bi" as I had thought all my life, or whether I was actually a lesbian. Since either case involved my being attracted to women, that wasn't on either column -- I included only things that seemed to truly support one side or the other. As I did that, and thought about it over the next few weeks, it quickly became clear how weak the "support" for my being bisexual was, and how true the stuff in the "lesbian" column felt. I also found a therapist I trusted to talk about all of this to make sure there wasn't something I was blind to, but really, I knew before my first session and how I'm just continuing the therapy because who doesn't need it by age 40? haha I hope you find some helpful posts here on EC, and please ask as many questions as you have - we'll do our best to help!
Welcome to EC! I'm also in my early 40's and questioning wether I'm a lesbian or bisexual, and I'm fairly new to EC as well. I've found it helpful to read thru older posts in the Sexual Orientation forum. Not sure what other advice I can offer, other than that you are definitely not alone!
Hi GonzoBird, Just a few thoughts about your post. Can you describe more fully the "feelings of being gay"? Does this involve crushes on guys? Do you find yourself looking at guys, perhaps fantasizing about them? I saw from another post of yours that you seem to be on the verge of truly coming out to yourself. Saying "I'm gay" into a mirror is a good step along that process. I was at the place you are now at age 45. It took me another two years to fully come out and embrace my homosexuality. So, you shouldn't feel like you are alone or that your experience is unusual or uncommon. Unfortunately, our experiences of repressing our sexuality at young ages due to shame and fear are all too common. You have found a safe place here at EC to explore these issues.
I actually only came out as bi when I was 38 but in truth I’ve always loved women more than guys. I’m 51 now and my attraction is only to women. I found that the more I accepted my attraction to women, the more I became attracted to women. Like I gave myself permission to just be who I am and who I always was. I realised that when I saw a gorgeously handsome guy, I didn’t want him, I wanted to “be” him lol You’re in the right place to get the help you need! You’re definitely not alone!!!
I’m in my mid-40s. I’ve had gay “feelings” as far back as I remember. I worked hard to repress those, and managed to convince myself of being totally straight. I went thru a college period where I realized that wasn’t true, and openly labeled myself bi with girlfriends that were accepting. I never admitted that with the woman I married, however, and I am now not even sure if any of the female attraction has ever been truly authentic (i.e., have I been gay all along?) I know many here are the same, with a lot to work out.
