So I am really searching my memories and my thoughts and decided to try to say out loud “I am gay.” I did it to see what it would feel like. What it made me feel like. Well I didn’t blow up and the world is still spinning but what comes next? If indeed it is true what now? How do I accept myself? Will exchange?
Hi @GonzoBird I’m pleased that the world didn’t blow up. What comes next is up to you. Whether or not you decide to tell anyone or talk to anyone, who those people are and when that happens, is all entirely up to you. The journey towards acceptance is different for everyone. Some people take time to absorb and process their new understanding of themselves. Other people might start coming out to others sooner. Taking steps to embrace who you really are can help towards achieving acceptance, which might include coming out to others, but can also be more subtle things. So, things will only change as much and as quickly as you want them to.
I think the step you are on is acknowledgement, or "coming out to one's self". This sounds like where you may be at. This step involves the realization and acceptance of your sexuality. However, just coming to acceptance doesn't necessarily mean that you feel good about it. You can accept something as true even if you don't like it. The following outline of these steps was taken from this website: Coming out as gay: 6 stages for understanding the emotional process – Dr. Christina Villarreal Step One: Identity Confusion “Who am I?” is the major question in this step. People in this stage of the coming out process start to notice their attraction to same-sex people and really question what it means. Am I gay? Am I a lesbian? Am I transgendered? Am I bisexual? Within this stage there may be a denial of inner feelings as a person continues to see themselves as a member of the mainstream, heterosexual population. Some may consider their behaviors as ‘just experimenting’. Some people in this stage might keep emotional involvement separate from their sexual activity; others may choose to have deeply emotional relationships that are non-sexual. Step Two: Identity Comparison At this stage, a person may try to find an explanation for why they are having the feelings they are experiencing. “Maybe I am gay. Or maybe I’m bisexual.” Feelings of isolation & alienation are common in this stage. A person might wonder “Is this a phase?” “Am I only attracted to this one same sex person, or is this going to be a permanent trend?” Step Three: Identity Tolerance In this stage, a person might begin to accept identifying as gay, lesbian or transgendered or bisexual. Some might come to terms with some parts of being a gay, but not fully embrace it. One might accept participating in sexual activity with woman and consider it okay, but may not be ready to identity as lesbian or bisexual for example, in public- thus, leading a ‘double life.’ Or a man may come to accept that he has fallen in love with another man, but considers this an isolated situation. At this stage, it is common for people to seek out a gay/lesbian/bi-sexual community or social group as a way to explore or experience identifying with other people of the same sexual orientation as a means for support. Step Four: Identity Acceptance In this stage a person has begun to accept, rather than just tolerate their sexual identity. People often begin forming friendships with other gay, lesbian, transgendered or bisexual people. Many begin to realize that being lesbian or bisexual is acceptable, and that their life can and will be happy and fulfilling. At this stage, it is common to begin coming out to a few trusted individuals. Step Five: Identity Pride People who are in this stage feel a sense of pride of their sexual orientation, and feel comfortable interacting in gay communities. They start coming out to others in their lives, by making their sexual orientation publicly known. It’s also common for people to feel angry and resentful because of the lack of legal and social rights that gay and lesbian people are not afforded by the majority culture. Some people may get involved in gay and lesbian activism. Others may feel the need to isolate Step Six: Identity Synthesis In this stage, a person’s sexual orientation is integrated into their whole identity. For many, this includes a holistic view of the self and people often feel equally comfortable in straight and gay, lesbian, transgendered or bi-sexual environments.
