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breaking up with a girl i really care about

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Ameryllis, Mar 24, 2021.

  1. Ameryllis

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    im 21 and my girlfriend is 19.

    i have been dating a super nice girl for almost a year now, and from the outside it seems really amazing and cute and full of gifts and affection, but lately i have been worrying that we arent fundamentally compatible ?

    we dont seem to "click" as i do with my best friend, and really any of my friends for that matter, and my parents noticed this too. our dynamic isn't as close? this was my biggest doubt. she considers me her favourite person and the closest person to her, however i dont feel the same? i dont know why, it seems like something is almost missing? maybe our senses of humour or personalities? i often feel bored around her and just feel like we cant fully have fun or connect. :frowning2:

    she has extreme motion sickness and cant enjoy car rides (i love long car rides), and this also means she cant play online games with me and my friends which i also love. she has insomnia and has to sleep extremely early every night, and im a night owl. she also has difficulty concentrating and zones out a lot, and this means a lot of times when i say things to her she responds "oh" or just doesnt respond? which makes me feels super lonely around her.

    i have brought up some issues to her and she said that the times right now might be making things worse, as we are both in school and obviously theres a pandemic, but do you think these are things that will change? or if im feeling things so deeply now, maybe i should end things?

    how should i approach this? she told me shes going back to the US for the summer, so should i end things before then and potentially use this as leeway into the discussion?
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    No. Never get into or stay in a relationship hoping that the person will change to become the way that you wish they could be. Her motion sickness is unlikely to go away. The insomnia might depending on what it is based on but you should not count on it. The zoning out might be her just not caring but it is more likely to be are real issue such as a neurological thing, I have trouble concentrating at times and even when I do my ears do not always pick up and I often need to have people repeat.

    This is entirely up to you. Are these things deal breakers?

    If you really do think that the relationship has no future you should end it as soon as possible. Be honest with her and just tell her that your issues work against each other and that you do not see a future. Letting things continue will only make the separation more difficult.
     
  3. Ameryllis

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    The zoning out is ADHD, we discussed that and she said she was fully unaware that it was something that was happening, and she felt awful about it. The insomnia she did say was just tricky right now, and by the summer it should get better. At the moment I am thinking of seeing what changes, because I am determined to work on things and know this is a stressful time for both me and her with everything going on, and she is taking 9 classes right now plus extracurriculars.

     
  4. QuietPeace

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    ADHD, I suspected something like that which is why I mentioned neurological issues. My exhusband has ADD.

    9 classes?! This may be a large factor. So long as you are willing to work with her issues then staying with the relationship is a good option.
     
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  5. Ameryllis

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    Thank you for your reply. I will continue trying to work things out, if things don't improve after school ends I will consider my options!