Questioning my life’s journey

I am a married woman with 2!grown children. I have always known of my interest in woman since I was quite young. But I followed the “rules” and met and married a man and had children. Some years ago I was approached by a younger woman who was interested in me for more then friendship. I was thrilled and eagerly entered into a relationship with her. Needless to say we were together for several years but I could not give her the commitment she wanted and we ended things. It is only now that I realize that I have lost the love of my life and I am devastated. I am torn between coming out as my true self to hopefully find happiness with another woman and my commitment I feel towards my husband and family. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I also can not continue to hurt myself. I would greatly accept any and all advise anyone could give me. Or just someone who understands and would like to occasionally chat about things. I guess what I really need are friends who understand and can lend me a shoulder to cry on once in a while. Th aka for listening.

 

yes it is very complicated. I am sure my husband knows. And yes we coexist and get along. But it’s not enough for me anymore. I have met someone that I want to build a relationship with. But my marriage is a giant obstacle in that. I have just started therapy with someone who specializes in my situation. It’s all uphill now. I can’t wait to crest the top. Keep in touch, will you? We may be able to console or advise each other.

 

Hi Mike. How have things been going for you? Not so good with me. Someone I thought I would build a relationship with is not the person I thought she was. Once again I have allowed myself to be used. When will I learn. Sometimes I feel like I am not meant to be happy. Oh well just thought I would check in. Have a good night.

 

Gosh I would love to chat sometime. I foolishly thought I had sound someone to build a relationship with but that is not to be. So back to the beginning. All I want is someone who wants me for who I am. Sorry to babble. Hope you have a good day.

 

Hi Mike. How are things going for you? I am managing. Foolishly hanging on to last relationship by a thread but I know the thread will break soon. If I remember you are still married and your wife knows how you feel. Are you in an open marriage? Did you say you had children? Grown? Do they know? How do you manage? Have you met anyone you would want to spend all of your time with? Sorry to me so intrusive. Please don’t answer if you don’t want to. I appreciate the offer of a hug. His know I need one. Oh well off th work I go. I hope you have a great day.

 

Hi Mike. My real name is Julie and I live in Maryland. I know I told you I was hanging onto another online relationship with someone I met on another forum. Well let’s just say I was accused of some terrible things I never did and as always I am made out to be the bad guy. I hate it when I am not given a chance to explain anything and fully understand what is going on. But I also think she was looking for a way out and if blaming me did that for her then I will manage it. I am sad very sad. But you don’t need to be burdened with all of that. Tell me about who you have met? I think you said it is getting serious. But you were not ready to make a change. If you are in a open marriage don’t you think your wife would understand? Well I am assuming you are married to a woman. And you said your children know. Are your grandchildren old enough to understand! You had said you wished you could give me a hug and that would be nice. My father is passed away and although you and I are close in age I think it would feel like an accepting fatherly hug. But I don’t think I will be able to get close to anyone ever again let alone trust anyone. I have been hurt to many times and I always take the blame. Hoping it will make the other person feel better and be able to move on. I don’t know why I told you all of that. I guess I just needed to. It’s ok if you don’t want to respond. I only wish you happiness in your journey. You have a kind face in your profile picture. I think if we ever met we could be fast friends. Thanks again for letting me bend your ear.