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IT IS OFFICIAL!!! :tada:

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Lesbee, Mar 12, 2021.

  1. Lesbee

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    Two days ago I looked myself in the eyes in a mirror and affirmed that I AM a lesbian. It felt true and... just simple. Freeing and just like a statement of fact.

    Last night, I came out to my partner officially. I've also told a couple friends.

    It slipped out by accident really... we've been talking for months as I've tried figuring this out, becoming less and less affectionate too, so he wasn't taken by surprise.

    I was just catching him up on how I've been feeling, and I don't even remember what he said but it was something (supportive) referring to a butch lesbian and I just said, "well I'm a *femme* lesbian..." and then realized I had said it out loud... to HIM... and he was like, "congratulations! You just came out!" and we both cried happy & sad tears and talked some more, but it was amazing you guys.

    I know not every conversation will go that well. I know he may have different feelings later, and I told him it's perfectly ok to challenge me, ask questions, express his feelings whatever they are at any time. So far he says he wants to stay close and come over for holidays like my mom does with my gay stepdad and his husband. :slight_smile:

    Now I just want to shout it to everyone (it might also be partly due to the cup of caffeinated coffee I had this morning after not having caffeine for about 2 years) but I'm trying to ease into it. I know my kids will understand and be supportive -- I have so many amazing people around me. I'm very VERY fortunate. It will be harder to talk about why we're breaking up to my evangelical father.... but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

    For every fellow questioner who keeps going back and forth on their orientation.... my mind was still freaking out last night and this is what helped and why I feel confident that this questioning is over:

    When I'm questioning, I'm entirely in my brain and feel tight and anxious.
    When I get still inside... sink down into every crack and crevice in my body... feel the earth supporting me below and connect to my heart.... I feel this warmth and peace, and I know that I am a lesbian.


    Virtual hugs to every one of you!!!
     
  2. Really

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    C O N G R A T S !
     
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  3. I'm gay

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    Congrats @Lesbee!

    I know it's such a rollercoaster, such a rush of feelings and emotions. Just take it a day at a time.
     
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  4. QuietPeace

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    Congratulations, I am glad that you had such a good reaction. It is wonderful to have at least some supportive people around you.
     
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  5. Lesbee

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    ....aaaand I just came out to my kids! And it was a total non-event! haha

    They're teens and when they heard "it's important" I think they were all a little nervous. But here are the details (I posted in the coming out advice forum by accident) if anyone's interested.

    Several friends know now too, but that's no big deal.

    The really big ones are my (divorced) parents.

    Both religious, my dad a Super-Right Pro-Gun Evangelical. My plan is to visit him and take him somewhere (public) to eat and tell him there. And my mom is notoriously non-confrontational and even squeamish about anything remotely taboo (when I came out as bi online she was supportive, but she was just like, "Why do people even need to 'come out'. Why do they need to talk about their sexuality at all?")

    Whatever happens, they'll likely at least "love me anyway", so I'm really not worried, but I am nervous. I don't see or talk to my dad often at all - I go months with zero contact even by phone or text and only see him on Christmas, except for last year). I talk more frequently with my mom who's more open minded, so I'm less worried about her reaction, plus I'll get to visit her more often (soon) now that more people are getting vaccinated, and because I'll have more free time being single! Gotta focus on the positive.

    Thank you all for being here with me through this! It's been so helpful having this community to ask questions, get advice, and share everything with. <3
     
  6. I'm gay

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    Wow, just moving forward! I certainly know the feeling of just wanting everyone to know. After a time, for me, it was important because having some people know and others not know put me in this awful place of having to constantly censor my speech, and made me feel fake to everyone who didn't know yet. Once I was truly aware of the closet, I couldn't stand being in it any more.

    I also sympathize with you for your mom's questions. After I came out to a long-time family friend, my mom said "Why did he have to know?" I sat her down and explained it like this:

    "Mom, he didn't need to know. I needed him to know. That was for me, not for him. After half a lifetime of hiding myself, it's important to me that people in my life know the real me, and to do that, I need to tell them."

    Perhaps that sort of explanation can answer your mom's question too.
     
  7. Lesbee

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    @I'm gay Thank you! That's a great way to answer that question.

    I had told my mom back then that I agree, we shouldn't just assume people are straight so that an announcement would be necessary, but how would she react if I just brought home a girlfriend one day? She seemed satisfied with that (I'm assuming she would've been surprised and would've wanted to know ahead of time), even though she's supportive. But I really like that "it's for me, not them/you". and it feels good to remember that when thinking about telling my dad, too.

    I told my (ex) stepmom last night (who is bi) and she was like, "FINALLY!" :laughing: She said if she were me she wouldn't even tell my dad at all, but ... it's for me, not him. :heart:
     
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  8. Contented

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    Congrats, it is awesome to finally acknowledge who you really are.
     
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  9. Spaceseed

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    So happy for you !!!
    I like the step mom advice :slight_smile: more sensible people can wait so they don’t spoil all the positivity right now ...big hugs !!!
     
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  10. SkipNY

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    Congratulations and all the best! And congrats to your understanding partner too.
     
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  11. Suitsme

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    Congratulations! Feels good doesn’t it? I remember it well :slight_smile:
     
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  12. Spaceseed

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    Yes super cool for the partner !
     
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  13. Frederik

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    congratulations i wish you the best :four_leaf_clover:
     
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  14. eccentric2

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    Congrats !! I'm happy for you!
    Hope that someday i will have the courage and be brave enough to do that... someday.... :fingers_crossed:
     
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  15. JayEll

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    Yey! Congratulations you brave lady!! We have spoken briefly on another thread so you will know I am in a similar situation in that I have just recently come out to my husband too.
    It is made so much easier when your partner is supportive and like you I know he will be a big part of my life although we aren't together.
    I wish you all the very best in this next, new chapter of your life and I'm here to chat if you need to. You're not alone in going through it
    Jen x
     
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  16. Lesbee

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    Thank you so much, Jen!

    And thank you everyone for all the support! ❤️
     
  17. out2019

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    For many of us this is such a powerful experience. The first time I did I was shocked by the rush of warmth and positive emotion I felt. It was like pulling a keystone of damn
     
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  18. eccentric2

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    @Lesbee @JayEll I envy you girls, you have a supportive husband.... knowing my husband for 18 years, he is against lgbt. Thats why im afraid of coming out.
     
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  19. quebec

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    @Lesbee.....Congratulations!! ***HAPPY*** ***HAPPY*** ***HAPPY*** ***HAPPY*** !!! :old_smile:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  20. Lesbee

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    My dad is similar, and I keep thinking about how that convo will go, but the people I trust the most keep telling me I have nothing to prove, I don't owe anyone anything, and I need to stop feeling like I have to explain myself all the time. You just say it simply, and that is all. end of discussion. You don't have to go through it alone - we're all here for you!
     
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