Keep suppressing the feelings?

So I have for the majority of my life identified as a straight male. Until a few years ago I came to the conclusion that I think I’m bi-sexual. I have always and still am emotionally, physically, and sexually attracted to females. I’ve only ever been in relationships with females and I know that when I wake up next to someone, I want that to be a female. However, I’ve had many male to male sexual encounters in my life and more so over the last couple years. I am not emotionally attracted to men at all, I know that much. I do think some guys are good looking or sexy at times but rarely. When it comes to sex though I am really sexually attracted to men, I would say honestly 50/50 M/F. I’ve never been in a relationship with a man nor ever had a desire too. I had recently ended a 7 year relationship with my female ex and have been more active with men lately, but have dated and been active with a women also. I don’t want to pretend that I just like to be on the receiving end of a man, because I actually enjoy giving to a man sexually just as much, I even prefer to be the bottom when with men, but will be the top with some also. Lately I’ve been feeling as if maybe I should try to date a guy to see how I feel about it. The issue is I’ve been scared of that side of me and embarrassed about that. I don’t want people to know and think differently about me. Although I have been open to some people in my life but just a handful. I’ve been scared if I identify openly that i wouldn’t be able to be with a woman in a relationship, which is what I ultimately want.