For the longest time, I have questioned and doubted my sexuality. When I was young, I had my first same-sex experience. I did not know the term lesbian or straight. I was simply me. A girl in love with another girl. As I grew, I realised that everyone around me continually said that homosexuality was a sin, including those that weren't religious. All the stories I heard about homosexuality were completely homophobic and mean. I never dared to share with anyone that I had loved a girl before. At this time, we had moved to a new district. Lockdown gave me time to think. I downloaded TikTok and saw many people who embraced their sexuality. It was fascinating that there were places where people got to be themselves. Over the last year, I have come to embrace my queerness. I joined EC when I was questioning. I couldn't choose between bisexuality and homosexuality. It was until a day ago, when it hit me, like a ton of bricks, that I was indeed gay. I did not realise how much growing up in a heteronormative and homophobic society had made me repress my true sexuality. I saw myself for the first time in a long time and I still do. I came out to myself yesterday and coloured the lesbian flag. I have been so happy since. I am free!
Congratulations, I hope that the feeling of freedom stays with you and that some day you find someone special to share your life with.
I’m so happy for you! What a wonderful feeling!! What was your favorite part of the first full day of seeing yourself in a long time?
Thank you all for the support. It warms my heart. My favourite part was my first feeling of no guilt when I thought of my sexuality. Before I always blamed myself, but that day I accepted and embraced it.
I love this! I feel like I'm right there with you -- I'm SO CLOSE. Yesterday I looked myself in the mirror and affirmed out loud, "I'm a lesbian!" a few times, and it feels like it is just a fact. I feel like to be "fully out to myself" I'd be ready to upend my current (hetero) relationship and living situation, so I feel about 75% there. I'm just going to therapy to double check that there's not just some sneaky stuff my brain is doing around old traumas first... but I feel like I move percentage points closer to coming out to myself every day. Thank you for sharing your experience! It gives me hope and I'm so happy for you!
Peeps, I don't want to hijack this thread, but maybe @Red Sun inspired me to take the next step. Last night I made it official. I came out to my partner definitively and he's (so far) super supportive and says he could tell that's where I was. I'm still going to therapy, but this I know to be true. Thank you all for being part of my journey!
@Lesbee I am so happy for you too. I am glad your partner is supportive. I am also happy that sharing my experience gave you hope.
