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What does same sex attraction really feel like?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Ambigously, Feb 18, 2021.

  1. Ambigously

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    Yes Chip I understand this is classic ocd symptoms. Yet of course the symptom is that the person who has it is convinced it's not ocd. Talk about catch 22. It's awful!

    I purposefully didnt use groinal response though! My balls just hurt... it's dead weird.

    I've read a lot about this but will check out the book you suggest. I read an amazing one about anxiety by Scott Stossel called 'my age of anxiety'which I'd recommend to anyone.

    My therapy is not ocd orientated and, so I will investigate options there.

    This is effecting everything now. I woke up today from a dream about realising I was gay, and freaked out. It felt so real and good.. so I thought for most of tue day I should come out. Not sure how my partner copes with this!
     
  2. Spaceseed

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    That sucks ,

    I would take quiet peace and chip advice if I were you
     
  3. Chip

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    • If you aren't clearly, obviously aroused (meaning, you get an erection from thinking but it), then it's OCD.
    • If you talk about "groinal response", it's OCD.
    • If you have to masturbate for 10 min to get a semi-erection, it's OCD.
    • If you have to repeatedly test, it's OCD.
    • If you obsess about it daily, and it intrudes on other thoughts, it's OCD.
    • If you get anxious if you don't test, it's OCD
    • If you think "tingling" is arousal, it's OCD
     
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  4. jjusa

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    I think you can be not straight but also have OCD. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive
     
  5. jjusa

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    However, this is not always the case. I would definitely recommend seeing an ocd specialist/therapist.
     
  6. Sadness

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    Omg i relate so much to all of this, is basically me all day everyday lol.

    The only question i have chips is, i never understand why masturbation is a reliable indicator of sexuality, because shouldnt masturbation give you responses regardless of the fantasy or porn? I know there are difference, because to me is much more easier to masturbate to woman than men, bur if i masturbate to men, i will not get really hard like a get with woman, but i will feel some responses, a little erection here and there, and its because i am stimulating myself isnt it? Isnt normal for you to feel responses when you stimulate yourself?
     
    #26 Sadness, Mar 1, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2021
  7. Unsure77

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    I think you maybe answered your own question. You can use friction to get a response thinking about men, but thinking of men (in and of itself) doesn’t do it for you. You’re having to sort of trick your body into responding, For lgbt men, the idea itself is stimulating.
     
    #27 Unsure77, Mar 1, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2021
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  8. Sadness

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    Oh that makes sense lol, i feel kind dumb now haha.

    Op, i have some difficulties with ubderstanding what is attraction and what should feels like, i can never tell if i really am attracted to someone or not, i havent been attracted to someone for a long time, most due to pandemic i think.

    With my experiencies i cant say how attraction feels like but people here say that they are a lot linked with physycal feeling(arousal i think?) But i understand your doubt because i have this too, i dont know if i am attracted to someone or not, when i see a handsome men, i feel this pressure feeling in my heart, but i feel very uncimfortable and it doesnt make me feel good at all, and when i look over a beautiful woman i am really relaxed tbh, and i kind feel a shiver through my body which feels very good, and i have the nervous feeling with my heart beating a little fast, which i have with men too, but they arent similar in any way, one seems to be like i am afraid and the other just because i like to look, in my real life nowadays i cant look at mens eyes on the street, i feel very nervous.

    And i dont know, i think that attraction shouldnt feel this way haha, thats why i say i get attracted to girls, but i cant say for sure how it feels like, i would like to know that too.
     
  9. Unsure77

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    So, this may be a terrible analogy, but here goes...

    Do you like chocolate? (from childhood) was there any mystery to whether you liked chocolate? Did you have to think about it and mull over whether you liked chocolate (for days, weeks, or months) or did you just know? Was it a cererberal exercise to figure out your feelings on chocolate? Did you have to think about it and try it and try it again and think about it some more? Or did your body and your head just instinctively know how you felt about chocolate from a very young age?
     
    #29 Unsure77, Mar 4, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2021
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  10. Spaceseed

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    I get off real hard if I think about men, like I
    Need to do it every once in a while (frequently lately ) to get a deep orgasm , if I think about women it’s also great but feels sorta different, more rainbow and unicorns lol , although I’m dominant in bed with women ...
     
  11. Sadness

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    Actually this is a pretty good analogy haha.

    I understand what you're saying, attraction is something natural and unconscious, they just happen . I just find it weird because i dont know how to say if i am attracted to a woman or not or a men or not, like there are times that i notice some men and think they are handsome but then i start to think if this is attraction, and other times i see a beautiful woman and i think i am attracted to them, but in no way i could say for sure. I know that because of my obsession i started to notice more men than i ever did in my life, since im overthinking, and then i used to imagine me kissing those guys, i dont feel good and thats how i suppose i am not attracted to them, but i know this is a compulsion too, so i stopped doing it.

    That is why i would like to know if there are some signs physically that describes attraction, because nowadays i dont really know and i am very sad with this, used to be so clear to me that i like girls, but not so much anymore
     
  12. Sadness

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    Well im not the best person to say this but if you find it easier to masturbate over woman and you feel more pleasurable, than is possible that you like woman or mostly woman, i dont get aroused with fantasies with men so i cant say for sure
     
  13. Unsure77

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    The men already told you, lgbt men have erections when simply thinking about men. Full on, outright erections. And they don’t have to do anything to trigger an erection and it’s not ambiguous. You don’t for men. You’re not lgbt.

    You’re not lgbt. The gay men here are telling you you’re not lgbt. The mental health guy here (Chip) is telling you you’re not lgbt.
     
    #33 Unsure77, Mar 5, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2021
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  14. Chip

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    This relates back to the core issue: Until the OCD is under control, you won't be able to get a clear answer. The OCD literally hijacks the reason centers in your brain. So it doesn't matter how many different ways you ask the question or look for things you can do to determine it, NONE of them will work until you get the OCD managed. Once that happens, and you have control of your brain back, all of these questions will answer themselves.
     
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  15. Sadness

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    Oh i got that, so until i treat my ocd i should live with the uncertain, it makes me feel weird in some way, but i get that
     
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  16. Unsure77

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    Also, I would think intentionally making any changes to your relationship with your girlfriend before you see someone about the ocd would be a huge mistake (for what it’s worth). Maybe make sure you’re back to a place where you’re thinking clearly before you make any life changes like that.
     
    #36 Unsure77, Mar 7, 2021
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2021
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