How to stop endless cycle of testing?

Hi guys.

Since i have been taking meds and talking to a psychiatrist ive been wonder how do i stop testing myself?

I know anyone here is a therapist but maybe someone can give me some light. I am really tired of testing myself everyday, its getting to the point where its getting hard to sleep, everyday i try to fantasize with men and see dicks on the internet to see if i would get aroused.

And it feels so weird, everytime i see a penis i dont get aroused and i know that, but for some reason when i watch porn and see a dick i have a tingling feeling, actually i only have this tingling feeling when there is a penis and a woman on the video, and i know i shouldnt worry but i am worrying too much.

Yesterday, i watched a porn where the guy shaked his genital to the woman, but there wasnt any contact between them, and i felt this tingling feeling again, does it mean something? OF COURSE NOT, but i started to worry that i was gay because i looked over the penis and felt that, and i just moved on with my porn, but when i went to sleep i had a intrusive thought about this and couldnt sleep because i start to think about the scene and the penis, and i was so nervous and anxious that my penis was so tense that i felt this feeling over and over again but again, didnt get aroused, it took like 40 minutes of this thought, at some point i just gave up and went to sleep.

And i really would like some insight here from you, i know isnt normal to go through this, but how can i stop doing this? Should i stop watching porn? Because i cant see a penis in porn that i feel so weird now, i notice too much now, even if before i didnt notice at all. There is anyone here that could help me giving some advice on how do i stop testing myself, i dont want to do that anymore, i dont like but its always the same everyday

 

Hi. Thanks for all the support.

Yeah i know thar meds wont work by now, and i already talked about this testings, but i will adress again the next time i see him.

As for the porn, i really want to stop watching too much porn, because is being bad for my real life. But the thing is, the things that aroueses me in porn now are the same that have always aroused me, but now if i see a penis and dont get flaccid i will think that i am not straight, even if i dont care about it anymore at this point. Only seeing a girl touching the guys pants is enough to make me aroused, everything related with a male genitalia and a woman is enough to arouse me and i know that, but i keep have this fears and i just want to trow them at the freaking garbage and move on with my life. Like doesnt all the straight guys get aroused when seeing a penis and a woman in porn? Or its just me? Because i think is something completely normal to all straight men, but i dont know

I have some ways to fight my tendecie of testing but sometimes is just impossible not to do.

 

Hi lesbee.

I understand your point and i think its valid tbh, i have already think about that too, because it really seem to be this way, but i never said this in here because i thought people would think i was just lying to myself and not accepting that i like penis, i thought i was the only one who thought about this.

But the thing is that i dont get hard to the penis itself, i dont if its something in my head blocking or that i just dont like it, but i just have this tingling feeling that is so weird but i never actually had a arousal to it, like i can see a transwoman naked and get aroused, but i cant get aroused looking at a naked men or his genitalia, it never worked.

But i think youre right at some point, a penis is like 50% of the porn, i wish i could just go back to normal where i didnt worry about that, its just a penis after all, i sont want to do anything with it, so im trying to cope with that.

Thanks for the comment btw,

 

So, now i been having this worry that i would like to kiss a guy, so i have to fantasize about doing this, and everytime i feel this constant tingling in my ball(sorry for that), but i dont get aroused, and sometimes theres a liquid that come out of my penis(sorry for being too much graphic) but itsjust a little and im all flaccid, but im worry so much about this, but shouldnt i be hard fantasizing about this? With girls btw i get aroused, hard, but feel this pressure iver my chest so much that bothers me.

Do you experiencie this when you fantasize about same sex? Or is this some response from anxiety(which i feel so much)

I dont want to bother you guys, but i just feel so lost and empty nowadays that i feel that only here i could find an answer.

 

Hi quietepeace, biboytoy and chips.

Thanks for the advice it really helped me, i am understanding more now the things i need to pay attention in my life.

Anxiety has been a part of my life since i am a child, and i have always been obsessive about if the door is closed and all that.

And with my sexuality now, for a while, i know that anxiety is really messing up things here ):.

And now i am trying to dont pay attention to my intrusive thoughts, most of my tests, start with a intrusive thought about something.

Today i had a intrusive thoughts about a gay sex scene in hentai and started obsession over, i watched the scene a lot of times to see if i was aroused, amd what bothers me is this groinal response that i feel, because feels like i am getting hard and thick, but in fact its not, and today it moved too. But in the end the feeling just fade and i get flaccid again, at the same time i get relaxed, chips said that anxiety can have some type of roll here in groinal response, so i try not to worry, but sometimes like today i cant not pay attention, so i went to the bathroom to masturbate and it didnt happened again, and i moved on with my life.

I cant really control this intrusive thoughts, and cant not pay attention to them, they happened everytime, when i watch porn, flashes appears and when im just happy, i really hope that my meds help me, really really hope, at least with the anxiety part, and hope i can find a way with my psychiatrist to have my happy life again without having to do tests and tests.

Thanks for everything

 

And even with porn, for some reason, when i am masturbating i find it hard to ejaculate to the things i am watching, and a lot of times i would start to test myself with gay porn or gay fantasies, and i would always get soft again, not entirely but most of my erection was killed by the thought/porn, but for some weird reason, and i find this funny to be honest when i go back to my normal porn or fantasy, i just get twice aroused as before, why is that? If i dont get hard with gay fantasies and porn why eould i get twice as hard and aroused after i go back to staright porn or fantasy lol.

I find this really weird and funny, so i thought i could share, its been happening for a while now

 

Sorry for bothering agaun but i just want to vent something that i went through today.

I was at an appoinment with my ophthalmologist to see if i needes to use glasses, he was a old guy maybe 50ts, he got closer to me to see my eye and i felt kind nervous and felt a constant tingling feeling there. And it bothered me so much, i have always been to this ophthalmologist and never felt that but now i am feeling.

Why am i feeling this, i think that every guy that get close to me i feel this tingling feeling, do you feel this when a guy gets closer to you? I am little sad now i was happy by morning

 

Is it possible for someone that watches a lot of porn and masturbate a lotbof times per day to just dont get aroused with gay porn/fantasies, just because this person watches to much porn?

Its so weird because everytime ive masturbated to gay porn/thoughts i would have this strong feeling in my penis, like a long tingling feeling, one really strong feeling that really feels like sexual arousal, but i just cant get aroused or hard? It seems like i would finally get aroused and hard and it just dont go there, it gets flaccid ots so weird, and with woman i dont feel this strong feeling, i just get hard, who knows lol.

So is it possible to me to dont get hard with gay porn/fantasies because i watch too much porn and masturbate a lot to woman? I dont think this would be possible tbh but i would like to know if someone here knows something, thanks