I'm not sure if this is 'borderline' or actually abusive but it's not okay, whatever you want to call it. My dad has been temperamental and varying degrees of abusive throughout my life, and while he's never hit anyone as far as I know, his attitude quite frankly sucks. I'm *this* close to being completely done with his shit after all these years and chances and "it's fine." He manipulates people, says hurtful and rude things, lies, goes through other people's things, denies things he does and blatantly blames other people, and is bigoted to the point of being nasty and almost violent. Today really did it. So we adopted a second dog last week, and while there's been a few issues, he's a good dog, and it's just...normal dog stuff. It's a new house, and I think he might have an infection (vet checkup next Friday). But today Dad screamed at him so loud the neighbors probably heard it, practically ran him outside, and stomped around the house ranting, yelling, and even threatening the dog. What 'mature,' grown man goes around threatening a fucking dog? Especially a fairly small dog who didn't bite him or destroy anything or hurt someone? The dog made a mess but jesus christ. It's the first week. Cleaning it up sucks but shit happens. It's part of having a dog, especially a new one and/or one with some issues. We've had four dogs total now so I don't know why this is news to him. If I sound rude, it's because I've hit the point where I'm done excusing his nastiness. He's a jerk. Whatever patience and sympathy I have is in shreds by now and thinning very fast. He scared the living shit out of me yelling, and he was threatening the dog pretty loudly, saying he'd beat him, calling him a little shit, and snapping at him to get away. I pretty much had to run to the nearest bathroom to have an emotional breakdown. 20+ years of talking shit to me sucks, but threatening someone, especially someone who's not human and has little chance of getting away safely or having control over their situation, is not okay. I'm scared, and upset, and honestly really fucking angry. I fear for all of our safety and wellbeing. I don't trust him to not hurt anyone. If he keeps this shit up or follows through on his threats, if I report him to the shelter or the cops, can they get the dogs safely away and at the rescue? I don't want them to get sent to some shithole kill-pound, especially since they're both rescues, both have had traumas in their lives, and I can't let that happen to them again. The only reason I've even stayed here as long as I have is for the dogs and because it's only ever been verbal, and it's not 24/7 bad. But this is almost too much, and I'm both concerned for everyone's safety and extremely fucking done with his shit. There's only so many chances somebody deserves, and if it comes to it, I'd like to get the dogs safely away from him and then leave. If he hurts anyone, we're done.
To clarify because it won't let me edit the post, talking shit to me isn't okay either. But threatening someone is truly crossing the line and I'm worried for everyone's safety.
First, animals are a huge passion of mine, but if it's just been verbal abuse towards the dog, there's going to be little animal control or the police would be able to do without evidence. Without putting yourself in danger, you could film one of your dad's outbursts towards the dog if you need evidence of the abuse. If your dad physically beats the dog, maims, or leaves the dog without food or water, you may be able to file a report and get the authorities involved. Any sort of evidence (pictures, videos) you can get would be helpful to your case. You also may be able to report anonymously, though having an identifiable witness will be more successful. If you can talk to neighbours about what they may have heard or seen they also may be able to help if you need a witness. Is it possible for you to move out? I recall you were wanting to move in with your mom; is that still an option? It depends on your state's laws, but there's a good page on animal cruelty and neglect that may be helpful. https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/animal-cruelty-and-neglect-faq#cruelty
Verbal abuse is abuse. I have been in a relationship where I was also being beaten (I got good at washing blood out of clothes and hiding bruises in that relationship) even with that the verbal abuse was the worst part. Abusers never keep it up 24/7, first no one has the energy to keep things up that way. Second, they know if they kept it up without the soft times their targets would walk almost immediately. Third, it is the cycle that created the trauma bond which is the main reason abused people stay in the relationships. Staying in an abusive relationship to prevent harm to the dogs is a disservice to yourself. You need to do what is right to keep yourself safe. You can try to take them with you, it sounds like he really does not want them anyway. Once he knows that you are no longer a target and that the dogs cannot be used to manipulate you he might let them go easily also.
Another thing I wanted to include is there is a thing called "pet safekeeping programs" for people who are looking for ways to leave abusive situations but do not want to leave their pets behind. If your state offers something like this, you may be able to utilize them if you're uncomfortable leaving your animals behind when you move out. It's temporary, and you can get your animals back when you find housing.
You’re dad sounds the same as mine except my dad is bad 24/7. He screams at my dog and shouts at me and has done most of my life. His insults evolve, I pay my way so I’m longer ‘a drain on their resources’ so now I’m just ‘useless’ and ‘selfish’.I’ve also been told by him that he never should have had kids.My dad likes to use what he can to get a reaction. I won’t defend myself but I’ll defend the dog. He has threatened to throw her out of the car in the middle of nowhere but he can’t drive anymore and my mother isn’t that cruel. Before my dad went deaf he would scream at the dog if she barked and then scream at me for not being able to stop it. He regularly threatens he’ll ask a local farmer to shoot her. The dog is the only person who actually likes him. We live in the country so no one can hear him. He passed on a genetic disability to me and I hope to god I don’t end up with his personality. I think people that can treat small, affectionate creatures like shit are either truly evil or have a mental problem. If they treat their kids the same way it’s probably because they’re evil. Do what you think you have to to protect your dogs. My dog gets traumatised by the groomers, but being yelled at doesn’t bother her.
Thanks everyone. Things have settled down for now and that might have been a single, horrible, one-off incident, but if anything else that bad happens I'll remember the resources and advice everybody shared. Thanks!
