Sorry guys

Happy to help any time. I know it's a difficult journey, but I have faith you'll work everything out. In the meantime, try not to be too hard on yourself or push yourself too hard. You'll get there. ^^

 

You’re welcome. Like BiGemini87 said, the process can be difficult and self-compassion helps.

Others can support you and share their stories, but you’re right that it’s about your history and experiences. It’s satisfying when it’s your process in your time. When you land (even when it’s for the time being), there’s a better chance of feeling settled where you are.

 

Sounds like you’re figuring out what works for you! And, don’t know if there’s anything better than being authentic!!! I appreciate how you’re stepping into your process... you’ve reminded me that I can also be ok exactly where I am. Thank you.

 

This is interesting. For me it is mostly men to be the ones that are distant and refuse to emotionally connect, most only want to use me sexually.

I wonder if part of women being emotionally distant for you is because you are more attracted to men and so you just do not connect with women?

 

I'm not saying that this is what is happening here and it is something which in my time on EC I have seen more in gay males but I think it was what the previous poster was trying to say but just perhaps didnt word it in the best way. It is that to begin with the same sex attraction is solely physical, in no way shape or form do they want a relationship with the same sex but they have a growing desire to be with them physically. Often this becomes an overwhelming urge and those that act on it often immediately then feel disgusted with themselves etc. The urge goes away and then over time begins to grow again and it is repetitive in this cycle. Often if they can get to the root of whatever in their brain is causing them to feel that it is so wrong and as they work through that the romantic and emotional connections then appear and are just as strong.

As I said, I am not saying that is what is happening here @jjusa you are doing exactly the right thing by investigating and talking things through and figuring out what you like and dont like. Nobody should tell you the answers to these things because nobody can know but you.

 

The problem is you cannot alter your attraction. You cannot make attraction to a sex that you dont have and you cannot remove attraction that you have. You can chose not to act on it, that is absolutely up to you. If you could have an emotional connection with a woman would a same sex relationship then be something you would want?

 

So then you dont plan to date at all?

I think step one should be for you to get some help with your self worth and the issues that you have suffered as a result of being bullied. You are obviously mature enough to see the things that are potentially holding you back so there is obvious signs of logical mature thought you just need to believe that you are worth it and deserve it.

 

Sounds like a good plan. You have had a bit of a tough hand dealt to you at times but that doesnt mean you arent worthy, I am sure that in amongst the defence mechanisms you have built you have lots of good things to offer.