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Shifts in sexual orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Markoso, Dec 10, 2020.

  1. Markoso

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    I wonder, if any member of this internet forum has also experienced shifts in sexual (erotic) orientation depending on his/her emotional mood.

    Namely, when I'm in a good mood, optimistic, even ebullient, I'm primarily focused on women, I'm aroused by sight and smell of women. But, when I'm not in a good mood, when I'm troubled and depressed, I start to to notice more men, I tend to think of them in a sexual way etc.

    Does this sound familiar to any of you? What is the psychological causality behind this phenomenon? Eagerly waiting your responses!
     
  2. Mike riely

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    Is that in real life or porn?

    If it’s in real life could be that you’re repressing same sex attraction which then makes you depressed and only comes out then? If you’re like me and use a lot of porn then it becomes depressing quite quickly and you can end up watching all kinds of stuff, but not sure it’s the same as you’re describing.
     
  3. Markoso

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    No, I'm talking about real life, not porn. I guess porn is not a good indicator of someone's sexual preference. What is your situation regarding sexual orientation?
     
  4. Franz007

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    Yes, it sounds a bit familiar too me, although it is not always like that. I think it has to do with the way i feel confident with myself and to flirt with women. If not i don’t have energy for that and fantasizing about men is much more « realistic » as i only have to go to the gay-bathroom for sex, so that becomes the only option at the time i don’t feel well enough to date women (since it needs a lot more energy).
    At the same time, if i really feel a bit depressed, i usually don’t want sex at all. I am still being attracted almost only to women outside and don’t really notice men. But i could have more thoughs about sex with men more as i don’t feel well enough for dating women. Sounds a bit complicated :joy:
     
    #4 Franz007, Dec 10, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2020
  5. Mike riely

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    Ok. I haven’t really experienced the same. I’ve never felt attracted to men in real life but have used gay porn. I’d say trust your instincts and let yourself just be, nothing is bad and don’t let yourself suppress anything. I don’t know why you’d fancy men at one point and not another, I’m sure there will be peoople on here better able to though.
     
  6. BiGemini87

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    I do experience shifts, but I'm not 100% what contributes to them. I think a shift in hormones (i.e. approaching that time of the month) heightens my attraction and awareness to other women. But beyond that, I don't know if my emotional states play much of a part.
     
  7. Angeleno

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    I made my first post here during a weeks-long period where I was 100% certain I was gay. In a matter of 24 hours, I changed to feeling 100% straight for about a week. Now I’m back to gay again. Yes, it’s confusing.
     
  8. Markoso

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    Angeleno, your experience is very interesting and relatively similar to mine. How old are you? Are you able to function sexually (and also emotionally) with a woman (women) or do you have to fantasize about having sex with men to get an erection? I don't have to, but I must add that I'm usually quite apprehensive (even anxious) regarding sex with women. From time to time I also suffer from premature ejaculation ...
     
  9. 10 5 gang

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    I'm not sure what you are going but what is you fantasy life like? Do you get aroused at when watching or imagining men during one of your "gay shifts?"
     
  10. Angeleno

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    Geebus. Sorry for the delayed response. Sometimes I am fully aroused by women, other times I am not. I have fantasized about men while having sex with my wife.
     
  11. Monty1967

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    I used to go back and forth quite a bit, that was before I met a guy I couldn't deny was attractive to me and turned me on. it was actually the first kiss and exploring more than just doing it to do it that opened my eyes, once I knew that a man could make me feel like I was dating again for the first time and I really did want more I slowly stopped questioning myself and went with it. That's how I knew, didn't stop the questioning completely right away but it did help me think it through and realize in the end it wasn't a half and half thing at all. Now I don't think of women other than oh she's hot or sexy but I'm not interested at all because I know I wont be able to get it up no matter what for her. Now women are just a fantasy, but I cant get off to them at all. So I don't waste anyone's time pretending or questioning.
     
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  12. eron

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    I've had a similar experience. While dating women, it became increasingly difficult to reach orgasm. When I began to open up myself to having actual sex with a guy, and then acted upon it, the sexual energy was intense and had to work hard to keep from reaching orgasm too quickly.
     
  13. Contented

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    This too was my experience as well. Once I started to acknowledge my same sex attraction it became difficult and impossible to become aroused by my then gf and by women in general. For me rather than being upset it served as a confirmation of my changing sexual orientation. Sex with another man was so much more sensual, erotic and intense that there was no comparison. Women became not even an afterthought.
     
  14. 10 5 gang

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    What do you had fantasies about off and on? Switching through you desires?
     
  15. Chip

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    This is a pretty common part of the coming out process for those first coming to terms with not being straight. It's part of the stages of loss (in this case, loss of identity as straight), which are denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance. They aren't always sequential, and we shift back and forth. So we can get to some level of acceptance and go back into denial... but the denial can be so complete it absolutely seems real. (Which, if you think about it, is the definition of denial.)

    On the other hand, one typically does not see this in people who have been out for a long time. THey may be bisexual and find their attractions leaning toward specific people of varying sexes, but as far as actual strong shifts from one orientation to the other, there's little to no credible documentation of that happening in any of the credible literature. Now... if you go to Tumblr or one of the organizations focused on science-free crowdsourced groupthink, you'll find all sorts of ridiculousness that justifies absolutely any position about any attraction to anything or anyone. But if you're talking about factual information, there's no good support for it that I've ever run across.

    So most likely, this is just a natural byproduct of your conscious and unconscious trying to come to terms with where you actually are on the spectrum. Nothing to stress about and as challenging as it is, your best bet may be to just roll with what you're feeling and be OK with the uncertainty and inconsistency, knowing that it will eventually work itself out.
     
  16. 10 5 gang

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    During these shifts you stopped getting aroused at women? And then you stopped getting hard at men? Or was this totally ab emotional shift
     
  17. 10 5 gang

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    I'm wondering before you meet the guy, what were your fantasies like? Did you think about men or women or both? Which ones were more intense?