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Choosing a therapist?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by jjusa, Jan 25, 2021.

  1. jjusa

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    I want to find a therapist who identifies as LGBTQ but they are almost impossible to find in my area so the next best thing for me would be to find a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ issues. Now I am having difficulty choosing if I want a male or female therapist. I am questioning my sexuality and I worry that a female therapist who identifies as LGBTQ (or even specializes in this topic) will think that I am a fraud or I'm not really LGBTQ. I also worry about lying because my therapist is too attractive or something. I feel safer talking to a male therapist (even though I am female), but I am not sure because gender is something to consider too when it comes to LGBTQ issues. What have other people's experiences have been with choosing an LGBTQ-identifying therapist or a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ issues? I'm from the USA btw.
     
  2. solarcat

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    I honestly don't know whether my therapist is queer herself, but her bio mentions extensive work with the community, which is why I chose her.

    I'm curious, why do you think she might think this?

    It's important to be honest with your therapist, which can be difficult when talking about certain subjects. But as you spend time with them and get more comfortable talking with them, I think it'll be easier to be honest with them and you won't have to worry about this.

    As for your therapist's gender, it doesn't really matter so long as you're comfortable. If you'd feel more comfortable talking to a man about this, then that's okay. Personally, I'd feel more comfortable talking with a woman, which also influenced my choice.
     
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  3. jjusa

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    Because I feel this way about myself. Maybe I am just wasting my time because I've been straight this entire time. My last therapist also felt doubtful of my sexuality.
     
    #3 jjusa, Jan 25, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2021
  4. Chip

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    If your last therapist was 'doubtful' about your sexuality, then s/he was incompetent. The therapist has no business offering their opinion of whether you are or are not straight. And they absolutely have no business judging someone who is coming in for help trying to figure out what they are. That's what therapy is for!

    That said, you don't need a therapist who's LGBT, or even one who specializes in LGBT issues as long as the therapist is reasonably competent in LGBT issues (most are, these days). Of the four therapists I've had, only one was reasonably fluent with LGBT issues. The other three (including the one that helped me come out, originally) had very little experience with LGBT people but were nonetheless fantastic in helping me understand myself. THis is one of the most common misconceptions, that somehow a therapist must be gay in order to understand a gay client. It simply isn't true.
     
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  5. QuietPeace

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    I agree with Chip about the therapist not necessarily having to be LGBT in order to be able to help you (and about the judgement of your current one). Over the past several decades I have had quite a few therapists and of those only the only one who I know identified as LGBT was the first one who helped me first transition. Only one more specialized in transition issues. The rest were simply therapists who were able to work with me on issues (though to be frank about it my main issues are relationship and life issues and not specifically LGBT issues). As far as the gender of a persons therapist I think it is important to find someone that you are comfortable sharing issues with and if you feel safer with one or the other then that could be something to consider (I feel safer with women and so most of my therapists have been women).
     
    Chip likes this.