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Help, urge to become a woman about to explode!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TGR682, Jan 17, 2021.

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  1. TGR682

    TGR682
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    Hi,

    I am holding this urge (which came out of nowhere exactly a week ago) within me assuming it's nothing, and I feel my heart wanting to explode because of my resistance to the whole wish of becoming a woman!
    Today I had a talk with my therapist and it didn't help. The therapist didn't even show a way to identify this within me.
    It's new. As I said, started a week ago as a feeling of wanting to become a strong woman. Then started imagining how it's like to be a woman and the fantasies have been a great experience!
    My psychiatrist said it's nothing special, and that I want to be this way just because I want to experience something new. I assume she was using her intuitions when doing this, yet she could really be wrong!
    Sometimes I feel like putting nail polish, wearing tights, wearing bikini to the beach and expressing a feminine persona through clothes.

    The point is, I am feeling holding this personality as I call it, is not doing well to my heart. I hope someone can give some answers and advice. A part of me wants to hear "You are a woman", yet I am not hearing that part...
    Thank you for any answers!
     
    #1 TGR682, Jan 17, 2021
  2. eismeister

    eismeister
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    Hey there! Welcome to the forums, I hope you find as much guidance and support here as I have over the past few years.

    I am not trans, though sometimes do get feelings and questions of perhaps being nonbinary, but identify as a cis gay woman. So, keep that in mind as I answer.

    I would say that it is unfortunate that your therapist shut down your feelings in this area. As I have found in my own journey of coming out, you must give in to your feelings and explore them. For me, somewhat like you, when I realised my attraction for women, it kind of came all of a sudden, and so new to me. In my opinion, I never had such feelings, and so even when I was feeling like I was, convinced myself I was bisexual (spoiler: I am very, very gay). But even though the feelings seemed to come out of nowhere, the more I thought about it, the more I saw signs in my past that I'd ignore. So, first, I would say, maybe take some time to think on your feelings in the past. Have you been drawn to things meant for women? You said you now feel like putting on nail polish, etc., are those new feelings completely? Or did you want those in childhood, etc? Thinking back on my past has helped me realise that being gay was me all along, and that society and its expectations kept me from it. Yet, even if you didn't want these things before, there is absolutely nothing strange in wanting them suddenly now.

    Second, I would say that, if it is safe for you to do so, go ahead and try presenting as a woman, even if it's just in private. Try on some dresses, etc., and see how you feel. Do what you feel is the most right.

    There is no right way of coming out, whether it be as gay, bi, trans, etc. It is your process. And, if you just find you want to present as a woman sometimes and not others, that's completely fine too! Maybe you are nonbinary or otherwise. It truly doesn't even matter to have a label either, whatever makes you feel best is great. You are the only one whose feelings matter here.

    Good luck :blush:
     
    #2 eismeister, Jan 17, 2021
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  3. TGR682

    TGR682
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    Thank you for your reply! :slight_smile:
    It's not that the therapist meant to shut down the feelings, it's just that they were unhelpful in helping me discover whether I am trans or not.
    There were some minor signs in my life that seemed feminine, like me wanting to sing a song sung by a woman when I was in 4th grade, and actually doing it. As I may have said already, the feelings about wanting to become a woman are a week old.
    It seems right now that those feelings are buried in the subconscious more than they are present in the conscious mind. According to my intuition right now, those feelings will increase in dimensions in time and make me want to become a woman more than ever. I have mixed feelings about this, but the whole concepts gives me some warmth in my body, so that may be a good sign. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 TGR682, Jan 17, 2021
  4. TGR682

    TGR682
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    UPDATE: I've been sitting with those feelings for about 5 minutes and it made me very uncomfortable. Perhaps being a woman is wrong for me? Seems that way!
     
    #4 TGR682, Jan 17, 2021
  5. TGR682

    TGR682
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    Update:
    The thoughts of being a woman still linger in my mind. I don't know what to do, as I have no physical person to talk to about this, as both my therapist and psychiatrist deny that part in me instead of allowing exploration.
    I try to do that on my own but I am only left confused. I assume it's some sort of very slow development of something more complete to be in the future.
     
    #5 TGR682, Jan 22, 2021
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