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Sexual fluidity vs. Bisexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jjusa, Jan 10, 2021.

  1. jjusa

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    I wonder if it is possible to be normally into the opposite gender, but then suddenly someone of the same gender comes along and you end up falling for them? Then suddenly you aren’t attracted to the same gender anymore after this one person. Would you consider that to be sexual fluidity or bisexuality because i think someone who is bisexual would be interested in the same gender more then once. I think I am probably sexually fluid if anything, because I wouldn’t consider a relationship with someone of the same gender after this one woman came along in my life.
     
  2. BiGemini87

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    That's a fair question. I've heard cases of this happening, where there was interest in only one person of the same sex and never again afterwards. I think it's up to the individual to decide whether they still count themselves as bi or some other sexually fluid orientation, just because you're not likely to get the same answer across the board. ^^;
     
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  3. Omegduh

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    I would say it depends because I knew a girl who is in the exact same situation as you although she calls herself bi. Basically, she was into men her whole life but found the one/first woman she fell for. She basically says that if things don't work out with her, she will date men again. I dunno if it's a self preservation thing or if she just has a huge preference.
     
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  4. gravechild

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    Bisexuality is an orientation. Fluidity is more of a phenomenon (although I've heard some folk describe their orientation as "fluid", which could fall under bisexuality). It sounds like this one person served as a catalyst for you to recognize your own same-sex attractions.
     
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  5. Omegduh

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    I absolutely agree 100% with this. This is basically what happened to me. I had a 'catalyst' who made me realized that I was indeed attracted to women and I experienced my 'second adolescence' because of her. Sometimes you just need that 'nudge' (or I like to call it a 'brick to the head'). And I would say that fluidity falls under the bisexual umbrella.
     
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  6. Chip

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    From what I understand and have seen, there is indeed the phenomena of "gay except for _________" or "straight except for __________." These are folks who absolutely are resolute in their attraction, it's consistent over time, but for whatever reason, there is simply one person that transcends their orientation. One could argue this is 'fluidity', but I prefer to think of it as simply the exception to the rule.

    In general, I have not seen much credible evidence that supports the idea of fluidity. But we also have to keep in mind that orientation and attraction are not binary or trinary; instead, it's a spectrum, and most people tend to cluster toward one end or the other, but few are at extreme ends of the spectrum. So the "gay" and "straight" labels tend to be more for convenience rather than absolutist. However, it appears for the most part that wherever someone is on the spectrum, that seems to stay pretty consistent over time.

    Among younger people (those under ~25 or so), there appears to be a lot more openmindedness and willingness to explore, and less rigidity. I don't think this reflects any real change (this sort of thing doesn't change in a generation or so, as it's pretty hard wired), but instead a societal openness that is removing stigma. Which is another part of the reason I don't have much use for all of the million unrecognized and unsupported labels. At the end of the day, people are simply more permissive and openminded, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's also no reason to make up labels that will be understood by 1% of the population to describe something that's actually quite common. :slight_smile:
     
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  7. Tightrope

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    This is a very good way to describe it.

    I knew a woman in college who mentioned something about someone in a class she was taking when she was a junior or a senior. That's when you don't sit in big auditoriums anymore. AFAIK, this woman is heterosexual. I can tell she's mystified by Joe Manganiello and that it's not a put on, like the way Rosie was about Tom Cruise. She said that there was a woman in a smaller class she had who was so beautiful and that she had to get to know her. She did get to know her and they were friends for years. This woman - the object of attraction - got married about five years after school and my friend became a friend of this now married couple. I got to know all of them and didn't see anything that would have raised suspicion about a triangle or any lingering interest.

    I think this situation is similar. She was really taken aback by this person. But then they were just friends. When someone has become accessible like that, you can move it from awe to a friendship most of the time. I've had this exact same thing happen. When you can access that person and it turns into a friendship, the awe sort of goes away most of the time. I'm sure that every once in a while, there might even be sex involved.

    I've read about this before and I think I've even mentioned it. Experts say that in most hetero folks' lives, there will be a person or two of the same gender who will throw them into a tailspin. The article stopped right there. It didn't say how they worked it out. So it is common. Be happy, don't worry.
     
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  8. jjusa

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    Interesting. I think my sexual fluidity was influenced by my environment. I felt heterosexual until I lived in a pro-LGBT city for a few years and got to know a lot of people from the community. Then I felt attracted to this one woman. After I left, I never felt the same way towards any other woman again (I had only left 2 years ago). Now I have no clue if I am attracted to men or women anymore.
     
  9. jjusa

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    It could be that this one woman I was attracted to was a “catalyst” but I never felt that type of way towards other women since then... It’s only been 2 years but I feel like any attraction that I had for women disappeared after her. I even went to queer clubs and dated, but I could not feel that same intense attraction I felt before. It’s like it was just that one woman and that was it. Could that still be a bisexual experience? I’m not so sure anymore.
     
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  10. Tightrope

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    My personal opinion is that you should not worry about the label. It was evidently a unique experience for you.

    I understand that a state of paralysis could appear after this as it relates to emotions and what the future looks like. After a situation like this, it's totally understandable that the paralysis shows up feeling sort of numb toward everyone.

    I don't know everything else that's going on in your life. For now, it's probably better to live in the moment - one day at a time. If you feel stuck later on and it's causing you problems, you can consider talking to a professional about it. From what it sounds like right now, I don't know if that's necessary. My two cents.
     
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  11. jjusa

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    Thank you. I will try to take it one day at a time. At the end of the day, I feel like none of this even matters. Labels, sexuality, etc. They have nothing to do with me or the way I am living right now. It’s all about having something to control I.e. labeling.
     
  12. Omegduh

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    It may be different for you and me jjuca because it may have been that one woman for you and for me, I have always had an attraction to women before and after my catalyst. I always had that feeling I was “different” and I had a bunch of signs that I was attracted to women but I fully didn’t understand it/know it until I fell for her. I think part of me has always known deep down but didn’t want to acknowledge it.
     
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  13. jjusa

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    I see. That’s what I think separates me from bi/lesbians. I don’t feel like I fit in with the community at all. I hope you are in a better place now!