Help with coming out.

I have come out to a few people and i can say this, for me its been hard, and i have had to adjust alot of my thinking and help theirs, there will always be questions and please before you come out, make sure you are safe, a place you can escape to if all things go south.

 

The number one consideration is your safety. Coming out is something that we want to do in order for us to live an authentic life as ourselves. Weighed against the stress of staying in the closet is if being out causes us more stress. Your profile says that you are 14 so I assume that you are dependent upon your family for food and housing. You must consider how they are likely to react.

For me coming out meant losing my family and some friends, it eventually led to me being put through conversion "therapy" (torture to convince someone to pretend they are someone who they are not). If there is any chance that your family finding out will mean that you will be unsafe, whether by losing your home or by being invalidated or even pressured into something then it would be best to wait. If you think that the people around you will be accepting only then should you come out.

If you are going to come out it is a good idea to anticipate their questions and have some resources to show them. Things like explanations of what it means for you to transition. You could write up a letter which says everything that you want to say about who you really are and how you wish to be accepted. You can give people that letter but it might be better to use it as a resource to prompt yourself while you are telling them directly.

 

Hi Annoyance, I'm guessing that you're quite young? Coming out as a different gender is difficult no matter what age but I think it's especially difficult when you're a teenager and perhaps haven't yet developed the psychic tools to navigate your way through life on your own.

As a first step are there any LGTBQ or trans helplines that you could talk to where you live? That's what I did. For the first six weeks after I realised I'm a transwoman I just spoke to people on the phone about my situation. This was so important to me - I realised that what I was feeling was ok and I guess confirmed to me that it was real and I couldn't run away from it any more.

Also...do you have a best buddy or friend who you absolutely know would support you if you came out to them? Maybe just think about coming out to them first. Family can wait until later, especially if your worried about people's reaction. With me it's got easier the more people I've let in on my secret. So far I've come out to 20 people, but they're all folk who I knew would be ok about it. Now, I have a support structure around me so if some friends are negative about me it's not the end of the world.

Good luck. Even coming on here and saying 'I'm trans' is a big step so you should give yourself a pat on the back for that.

Beth

 

First things first, you need to make sure that you are in a safe situation to come out. If you are not sure how things are going to go, it is better to be safe than sorry. The next step is deciding how you want to come out. There are a few options. You can come out via a written format (letter, email ect..) or you can come out verbally in person. It also depends on who you are coming out to as well. Some may respond better to verbal and some may respond better to written ways of coming out. That just depends on the person. Either way, it is always good to have some resources ready so that the person is better able to understand what being trans means. A lot of people only understand the common trans narrative that is seen in television and media, so it is good for others to see other narratives. I'm not sure what area you are in, but it may be worth seeing if there is an lgbt center or trans support groups in your area. I know where I am at, there is a support group for friends and family of transgender people.