So I’m not quite ready to come out to my mom yet, but I’m one of those people who likes to plan things out in advance. Writing this letter helped me feel like I’m making progress towards something too, which beats feeling stuck and hopeless! Any thoughts on what I’ve written? It’ll likely be edited before giving it to her (for example I’d ideally like to speak to a gender therapist before telling my mom anything), but any feedback y’all have would be great! Here it is: Hi mom! There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for awhile now but I’m a big chicken baby and I don’t want to disappoint or upset you. You know how I’ve asked if you’d still love me if I was a slug, wasp, rock, ect.? You always said yes, but those were all silly things. What I really wanted to ask was if you’d still love me if I wasn’t a girl, but a boy instead. Because I’m very sure that’s what I am. This probably feels like it’s coming out of the blue, but this is something that’s been on my mind off and on for years. It’s been more on my mind than off lately, and I’ve been taking the time to look at my feelings honestly instead of pushing them aside. And since this is a commonly asked question: no, nothing you or anyone did made me this way. This is just the way I am. I don’t want you to worry about that. I’m sending you a link to some information that might help answer other general questions you might have. And if you have any questions for me personally after you take a look at the link I’ll answer if I can. I’m still working through some of this myself though, and plan on talking to a gender therapist to help me with that. And I also don’t want you to worry about me changing suddenly. Who I am as a person will still be the same. I’ll still be a weirdo goober, and I’ll always wuv you very much!
I think that most of it is great but I think this Would be better as There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for awhile now but have been afraid that it would disappoint or upset you and I never want to do that.
It's definitely along the right lines. I'd maybe put a bit more detail about why you feel you're male and perhaps emphasise that this isn't a whim but is something that you've felt deep down inside for a long time. Good luck though! Do let us know how it goes!
I think it's just about right, but I do agree with @QuietPeace about changing the first line. You are not a "chicken baby" for putting this off. You may find some of these letters helpful too https://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php They are mostly related to sexuality, rather than gender identity, but it wouldn't take too much effort to swap/change a few words around to make them fit your own situation. It's a good idea to include links for further reading and understanding.
I agree with what others have said on this thread. While it is important to include some of your personality in the letter, wording is also important as well. That wording makes the letter not sound as confident. I also would look into including some resources as those can be really helpful. Having a child come out as trans is something that there is not really a parenting lesson for, so it can be good for parents to see resources and be able to connect with other parents of trans kids.
MaybeBoy.....I do agree with what others have said here. Also...there are a number of subforums here on EC...why don't you check them out and especially look at the one titled "Gender Identity and Expression". Remember, you are a part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care! Please keep us updated on how this works out. We are so glad that you have found us here on EC! .....David
