does anyone know how to cope with unwanted feelings? I don't understand what has stirred inside of me and why it has only grown in the past 3 years. Why I think things like well if I'm still having these thoughts this time next year Ill tell somebody. I'm a girl, I want to have my own kids, I want a wedding dress, I want to be what everyones pictured for me. I mean I like my name and my voice doesn't bother me. I've always just done everything I've been expected to do. Yes I have body issues in general. I mean for petes sake I had an eating dissorder but I look back and it's because I was jealus of my sister who was always told she was such a pretty girl and I wanted to prove I'm a pretty girl too. I don't know what's wrong with me. I am not transphobic, I would love to meet and fall in love with a trans person because I accept anyone for who they are, but I can't be trans. I mean why the heck do I want to grow a mf beard? Why do I want a d***? And balls! Like what the heck. Am I just being influnced by what I've seen on the internet? Is it a phase? I know I sound like a conservitive karren at a church picnic but I swear to leasbian jesus that I am a very gay person. I need freaking therapy to work this out but theres no way I could pay for it and in order to get help I'd have to tell my mom. I want to solve this. It's rediculess. I am the kind of person who always has to have everything figured out and planned perfectly and blah blah blah blame ocd. I hate change. I don't understand the things I'm thinking. I didn't ask for these feelings. I'm about to just overly compensate and start wearing full faces of makeup and the girliest crap in my closet because I need to stop letting myself lean torwards these feelings cause I'm sure they'll only grow. I mean heck I cut my hair in the bathroom with kindergarden sicorrs because I thought if I finally had short hair it'd be fine and that that's all that I really wanted. It's not though. SO in conclusion does anyone have and coping to help with this. Thank you.
Only you can know for sure what is right for you but my reactions to what you have said (and they are colored by my experiences) In the couple of years leading up to me finally accepting that I need to live as my true self and coming out I exercised heavily including heavy weight training, grew a very full beard and acted "all tough". It was the last gasp of trying to pretend that I was what my family and society had been trying to convince me of who I was. See a gender therapist and learn to accept who you really are, whether that is you really being a guy or if you are a woman with OCD and obsessive thoughts on gender issues.
I want to see a gender therapist very badly but I could not afford it. In fact I have wanted to see a therapist for years but my parents never really let me. (even back when I purpossfully overdosed on medicine, that was 3 years ago so I'm sure it's long forgotten) Basically I am the oldest of 8 kids, most of whom are adopted with trauma backgrounds, so in comparrison I suppose I'm just supposed to suck it up.
Your parents care, they love you, but they do not get everything. Worst for me is my wife is a RuPaul addict, so I get to see what they fight. Life is not a bowl of cherries, cancer,, everything that I love burned, covid, Trump, I wish you the best Cy.
Well, you are 18 so at some point soon you should be able to start living on your own and then you can make your own decisions. It can take time and it does take effort but you can take control over your life. You can find support here and maybe from friends that you make closer to where you live.
I can't leave the house unless I'm being driven t work, the never taught me how to drive. Even if I did live on my own I'd have no way of getting around.
If you decide that you are defeated before you even try then you will never get anywhere. I am nearly 60 years old and where I live I cannot drive but I do not stay at home. I ride a trike for longer distances or walk to closer things. When the weather is bad I ride the bus. There are ways to move on with your life if you put in the effort.
