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I could really use some help on my situation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by 10 5 gang, Dec 29, 2020.

  1. 10 5 gang

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    So Ive been questioning myself for a few years. I recently decided to talk to guys on ######. I started talking to him and he makes me feel good and desired. With women it feels like I have to prove myself worthy of their love and attention. I'm insecure about my financial situation, the fact that IM 28 and a virgin, living with parents, and have a small penis(the small penis is probably the main reason I never had sex with a woman). I, in general, feel like a failure and that no women would ever want to be with me.

    Back to the gay part, talking with this has felt nice like I am worthy of a relationship. I like I am good enough, without having to provide or feel like I have to fight for attention. He continues conversations without putting pressure on me to hold the conversation he great. He is very good looking, looks cool and like the kind of guy I would like to hang out with. We even like some of the same things and have similar goals. The problem comes from my arousal.

    You see these past couple of years I have felt anxious and nervous around guys. Good looking ones not-so good looking ones. I've gotten tingle and some semi erections may have appeared when talking to some guys, but when I try to go back and think of those guys... it does nothing for me. I've had anxiety around them. I figured this might be because I am gay, but I cannot get aroused to men. I've watched porn, gay and straight. I've fantasized but still nothing. I've read gay men that watch straight porn tend to put themselves in the position of women. I've tried to think about sucking dick, or just touching it, or foundling men, but sadly it does nothing for me.

    When it comes to women I could get aroused their breast, their ass, their vaginas everything, and even faces. I'm wondering if this happening because of some conditioned attraction or pavloving effect? Or a desire to be straight?

    I will be honest and say, I do not want to be gay. I'm wondering if my desire to not be gay is influencing my arousal. But, at this point I want to move past any stigmas I may have and start a relationship. I've triedjust accepting it and think about being in loving relationships with men, but my arousal.

    Am I gay or just confused? What advice do you have for me?
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    From what you say here, comments that you have made on other threads and other threads that you have created. You say that you are not aroused by men but you are aroused by women. That really sounds straight to me. You mention reasons for not really wanting to try with women, I think that you need to get into therapy.
     
  3. 10 5 gang

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    I know. Idk why I keep putting it off. I guess the judgement or being told I'm stupid. I'm just not sure
     
  4. QuietPeace

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    A therapists job is to help you learn about yourself, your problems and grow. Only an incompetent one would ever judge you or tell you that you are stupid.
     
  5. 10 5 gang

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    I understand that. Its an irrational fear I have. Pretty much in line with I'll never make anything of myself. Or putting in the work in something and coming out with nothing to show.