Hallo there! Been a long long time since I've been on emptyclosets, which I suppose is a good thing because I stopped using it when I came to terms with my sexuality? However, over the past year I've been questioning my gender a bit which has culminated in me writing this post tonight. For some background, I'm AFAB and I've always identified as a cis girl. For about a year now though, I've had this nagging thought of... maybe... maybe I'm not quite fully girl... maybe I have a little bit of enby in me... Growing up, I was a massive tomboy and hated anything feminine (although looking back I always figured that was probably internalised misogyny) and I modeled myself on a butch lesbian I watched in a film as a kid lol. In more recent years I've grown to really love dresses and quite enjoy makeup too, but I remember I could only feel comfortable in those things once I realised that there's no reason they should nessecarily be "female" things. However I've always really loved androgyny as well and now that I've become more comfortable with my feminine side, I've been really wanting to experiment more with androgyny because tbh I've always felt most "me" in those kinds of clothes I guess. The main thing that made me start questioning my gender was my gender and sexuality class at university (lmao). Learning about gender in a critical way made me feel deeply uncomfortable with my gender after classes. Perhaps that is a flaw of the class or my own insecurity, or maybe its because it actually made me think about my gender more deeply. I've definitely never felt "fully girl", which is actually why a few years ago when I first came across nonbinary identities such as "demigirl" I thought they seemed silly (yikes) because of the fact that I felt that way and yet I identified as a girl. But I still feel attached to my identity as a girl mostly because of feminism and the way I was brought up. I guess the reason why I'm ultimately writing this post is I've been thinking about trying out they/them along with she/her pronouns. I've always known I feel comfortable with they/them pronouns (which is actually why I also used to not understand why people said that enby people could use any pronouns because I didn't feel like I would care what pronouns people used for me). I don't experience any gender dysphoria which is why I think I might end up concluding that I am indeed just a cis girl... but since coming to terms with my sexuality I've realised it would have been so much easier if I'd just allowed myself to experiment and accept if things were a phase (which they weren't) without putting pressure on myself to identify a particular way. I do still feel a little guilty though about using they/them pronouns if I am cis because it feels like I could be appropriating the community? But it just keeps cropping up in my head all the time. It would be really great to hear people's thoughts on this, sorry I know this is a very very rambly post but.. I guess I just want some feedback or advice? Thanks haha!
Oh another thing is that I often really enjoy being referred to as boy-like. I've thought about buzzing my hair off for ages and the thought of people mistaking me for a boy actually made me feel quite eager. I also got these long corduroy shorts recently which I love because they're quite masculine but also vintage (why is my style) and my boyfriend told me that i look like a cabin boy and it made me sooo happy (he's hugely supportive and knew it would be a compliment, which is fairly indicative in of itself).
Sorry for the late reply, but I though it would be good if someone replied. A lot of people feel this way. Not exactly cisgender, more nonbinary, but not uncomfortable with the gender they are assigned to the point of deciding to transition or that it bothers them. the question would be where you are on the nonbinary spectrum, because it seems to me like you are on it. You say you were a tomboy growing up and a masculine lesbian was your idol but also like femininity. So it makes me think you have “weight” of your gender both on the masculine and feminine side. Maybe you lean one way or another and maybe you’re in the middle. (Btw hello there *waves* , I also am one of those people who are androgynous so both masculine and feminine) but then again, if you don’t feel any gender dysphoria, you don’t need to transition. Transition is about making people more comfortable, happier in their own skin and gender expression. So it’s completely up to what you fee comfortable with. On the other hand, if you would prefer to present as something different than you do now, no need to play tough and try to go with oresenting as a cisgender woman. So if they/them pronouns make you feel better - go for it. And no need to feel guilty about it again, if you like those things, there is no reason why you can’t go for them
One of the tricky things about identity is that your interests and mannerisms aren't always a clue. There are plenty of effeminate men, ciswomen with masculine haircuts... And the way I see it, people should use the pronouns they prefer. I don't see why cis people should be barred from using they/them pronouns; it's not like it's going to hurt enbies like me. You can always play around with your looks, see how you feel looking like a guy or looking androgynous, and how you're treated when you do.
