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I broke up and I am heart broken :(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by faceup, Dec 8, 2020.

  1. faceup

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    Hi, I just had my first relationship and I am heart broken because even though I broke up I love him :-(

    Since the beginning he was too jealous of everything to the point he asked me about every single friend I had on my Instagram, previous hook-ups that I had. But I was thinking this was not that bad and I was really enjoying him.

    So months goes by and get grabbed my phone to see the messages that I had who did I texted and this happened more than once and twice.

    He was crazy jealous from a friend that I hooked up, I told him many times that I didn't like this guy and he was just a friend.

    If I add someone on my Instagram he will ask who is. Almost every week he will go crazy and start say really nasty things to me about my past and tell he loved me .

    So I broke up with him, I tried before but he will beg me to get back to him. I really has great time with him (without the fights) and I really like him.
    As I thought I was in toxic relationship ans I broke up with him, but I like him

    Now I am crying because I like him.

    I don't know what to do.
     
  2. HM03

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    I'm sorry to hear that :frowning2:

    I have to agree with you though - it doesn't sound like it was healthy AND you had already given him a second chance. Sometimes people can love each other a lot, but it's just not meant to be. It's awful and feels terrible.

    Its cliche - but time will help you feel better about it. If you haven't already, I recommend removing him from social media/your phone, atleast for the first several months.

    Hang in there, you got this :slight_smile:
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    I am so sorry that your first relationship turned out this way. It hurts to have a relationship end. From your description it does sound as if it could have been abusive and the best way to get over such a relationship is distance. As HM03 mentioned removing all contact is probably the best idea. From my own experience I think that finding other things to do is a good idea, in current times getting out is difficult but making other friends can help keep your mind off of the past. Keep talking to people here and take the time to heal.
     
  4. faceup

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    Thanks guys for the replies.

    I know is going to past but today I am feeling like shit.
    I am thinking a lot about him, it's hard because I really like him, but the situation made me do that.

    During the whole relationship we had many arguments and he was really jealous.

    I know I wasn't the best person in the world but....

    When I broke up with him, he said that we could have some Hook ups.. I found it weird

    I havena feeling that he thinks I am his property


    I am in my late 30s and know nothing about relationships
     
  5. faceup

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    I worry about him
     
  6. faceup

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    I only have Instagram, but I don't post anything.

    It hurts really bad, I am feeling like shit
     
  7. faceup

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    Thanks again, I hope I get better because right now I am still felling like shit and axiety is getting control of my self.


    I fell really bad because I do like him I really like, but I think as you said sometimes you can love someone but its not meant to be :frowning2:
     
  8. TJ

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    I have to agree that it was best to break up with this person.

    Maybe he'll be ready in the future to have a healthy relationship, but he's not demonstrating that right now. You should focus on yourself and keep yourself occupied with things that move you forward. Don't dwell on how he is doing. Maybe you can come back to a relationship with him in the future, but clearly he needs to change some behaviors, and sometimes it's easier to do that if you don't remain in contact with him now.
     
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  9. faceup

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    Yes I am trying to focus on myself and today I am going to start going to therapy. I scheduled a session with a psychologist

    I really need.

    Today he called me and we were talking, he said he miss me. I really like him and it's breaking my heart.

    But I need to be stronger.

    I told him I am going to see a psychologist because I am not feeling well.

    Fuck I didn't know dating would be so hard
     
  10. TJ

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    I'm glad you're seeking help in-person. It can make a world of difference.
    Dating is hard. Two individuals making themselves vulnerable always has potential for hurt feelings, but learning how to love and grow with someone is worth it.
     
  11. Suitsme

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    I’m so sorry to read of your heartbreak but I think you did the right thing. Breaking up is extremely difficult when you really love the person. But you couldn’t go on like that.

    Time does heal

    Hugs
     
  12. faceup

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    My first session with the therapist was good, I cried like a baby for the whole hour :'( and after I left I cried again and today I think about somethings and I want to cry !!

    OHHH GOSH.

    So yesteray he called and he was crying a lot (Break my heart) he wanted to understand why, I told him the reasons again but he still don't get it. Than he asked me if I want to only hook-up with him I told him no.

    Now I am sure that there is something wrong with him, because looks like he wants me no matter what ! I shouldn't be judging but my mind keep me thinking about that.

    I don't want to block him, because I think its not fair and I am pretty sure I will be devasted if I did that.

    He send a message saying he misses me. I didn't answer.

    I am pretty sure he is feeling like that, but on the other hand I have a feeling he does and say some stuff just to me get back to him.

    I know I have issues saying no to people specially when I like the person.

    Good news next week I go to therapist again :grin: :grin:




    Thanks everyone for every single input and kind words, it means a lot to me.

    BTW yesterday the therapist was suprised this was my first relationship.

    I will keep updating here :grin:
     
  13. bluehorizon

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    Even today, I remember how painful it was when I ended my first relationship way back in 1981! (For those keeping score at home, that's 39 years ago.) It physically hurt, in my gut, whenever I thought of him. Or heard from him. Or talked to him. I've since learned that this pain was grief and that it's just part of life from time to time.
    All these years later? We're still in touch, if barely. He went on to live a good life, and I did, too. (He's on his 5th partner, I'm on my 2nd :angel:) But it's been many, many years since I felt the pain I felt way back then. As has already been noted, the pain does pass.

    When I read your first post in this thread, I saw phrases like "too jealous" (over and over again), "he grabbed my phone to see the messages more than once or twice." In short, his own insecurity led him to monitor your activity on social media, only to say nasty things to and about you. This made me think of that famous quote by poet Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." He showed you that he is not the right man for you. So a question you might want to ask yourself is, "If I go back, will it be different this time?" I think you already know the answer.

    If I have any advice to give, such as it may be, it's to look forward to new people and experiences as much as you can, rather than backward at what didn't work through no fault of yours.

    Peace!
     
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  14. faceup

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    OMG your comment brought tear to my eyes, because in a certain way I saw myself :frowning2:

    I told him many times about how jealous he was, he will get "better" than out of nowhere he will freak-out. One day I start to follow a guy (youtuber) and like few hours he was asking me, Whos is this guy ? Are you attracted to him ? And than I would explain to him.

    I told him that those things he was doing wasn't making us any good. But he will find ways to tell me that he was right.

    You are right he is not the right man to me. If I find someone its fine and if doesn't its fine too


    I hope he gets better soon.

    Because today he said to me he had bought me a gift before the break-up and he would like to give me, I told him I couldn't accept because its not right to accept the gift, if I did that I would be someone with no character.

    Is that normal to someone ask you that much to get back to the relationship?


    thanks :grin:
     
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  15. faceup

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    I forgot to mention we were together for a little bit over a year.
    But those jealousy crises started since like month 3 or 4

    I tried to breakup before, but he would insist in stay together.

    I am so emotional drained
     
  16. QuietPeace

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    These things and the other ways you describe your relationship demonstrate that it was abusive. (I have been in several abusive relationships)

    Abusive partners will try anything to get back into your life, it is easier to hoover someone they have already groomed than it is to find and groom another person into being abused.

    This is normal, if they start their extreme control too soon we would leave them. They generally start with what is called love bombing which makes us feel very special and then after they have our hearts they then move into treating us the way they want to which is control and abuse.
     
  17. faceup

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    I tried to say in 3 months into the relationship he started doing those stuff.

    But even a little bit before there were some signals
     
  18. resu

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    I'm sorry it's been hard, and even though it's hard to think about now, you will have other opportunities for relationships. I remember some article said breakups hurt because when you're in a relationship, your identity starts to merge from being an individual to being a partner. So, it takes time to rethink your identity as a single person again. This was a learning experience; you will know better what you want and don't want for the future. Ultimately, you can't control your ex or his behaviors; it's good your talking to a therapist.

    You may need to cut off all contact (not forever) so you don't get stuck in an on-and-off relationship. That could really drag the pain longer than necessary.
     
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  19. faceup

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    Yes I do need to that, I don't to be in an on and off relationship. But like I said before now I am sure that end the relationship was the right thing to do