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Feeling anxious about my relationship with my brother

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Anonymous, Dec 6, 2020.

  1. Anonymous

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    My brother and I were super close for most of our lives. We had a bit of a difficult and unstable childhood and we always had each other’s backs. We were/are best friends. He hasn’t always been supportive in recent years about my being gay, and he has on occasion gaslit me about my mental health struggles (directly related to me suppressing my sexaulity, btw).

    He got married about a year and a half ago and they have a baby now. The thing is, I am concerned that he is not happy in his marriage, which pains me to say because I really care for her and want them to be happy together.

    The problem now too is that because I don’t think he feels truly happy or fulfilled he is starting to become more negative and conservative in an emotional and reactionary way. He was recently defending and supporting Trump, for instance, which is something he would never have come close to doing just a few years ago before he got married.

    The problem for me now too is that I am not sure how to navigate things because I feel like his attitude has negatively affected our relationship. Just Friday we were talking in our family text convo (my mom, dad, and brother) about how I might not be able to make it out for Christmas because California is in lockdown.

    My brother posted a middle finger emoji directed at the California governor and started saying some other things that made me really uncomfortable and even triggered my anxiety pretty badly. I confronted him about it and he said he was just messing around, which was a small comfort. I think it triggered me though because there’s already been a pattern of this kind of stuff coupled with me not feeling totally comfortable.

    And the thing is, I just don’t know what to do about it because our immediate family has always been really close and I don’t want to distance myself but I am concerned for my mental health if more incidents like this happen in the future. I do think I got his attention when I confronted him and he did apologize, but I guess I am more concerned about the bigger picture.

    Thanks for reading, and apologies if this was a long post. I love my family so much and I hate to feel put in this position. I had a long time friend who was practically a brother to me whom I recently distanced myself from for very similar reasons, but doing that same kinda thing to family just feels wrong to me and again it’s not even something I even want to do in the first place. I appreciate any feedback if someone has ever been in a similar situation. Thanks again.
     
  2. Anonymous

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    I would like to add too that I did feel better after we talked things out but then just tonight I talked to my Dad about it and he completely agreed with me, which was nice on the one hand but then retriggered my anxiety because it somehow seemed to confirm the bigger picture concern I had.

    Whether it does confirm it or not I suppose is besides the point. I’m just trying to get back to center right now, and I appreciate any and all love and support both for me and for my brother.
     
    #2 Anonymous, Dec 6, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2021
  3. QuietPeace

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    I am sorry that you are having to go through this :hugging: :hugging: :hugging:
     
  4. Anonymous

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    I appreciate that. Sometimes all we really need is to feel heard with a hug. Sending hugs back to you :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Anonymous, Dec 7, 2020
    Last edited by a moderator: May 24, 2021
    QuietPeace likes this.