Hello, I first started doubting my sexuality soon after entering my first serious relationship in undergrad. I had some trouble performing and wasn't sure how into it I was even when things worked. When I started to think that I might be bi or even just gay, I started to notice a bunch of signs, like becoming aroused when I sat next to a guy. Honestly not positive if it was arousal or nervousness, kind of hard to differentiate for me. Anyways, fast forward a year and I am currently single. I decided to explore that side of things using ######, and I have been with several (3) guys now. However, I didn't really get hard any of those times. All my partners were super understanding, but it honestly has me even more confused. I *feel* like I get aroused by men in general. But when I was with those guys, I didn't really even enjoy kissing and cuddling. When I was with with my girlfriend, even when I struggled I still enjoyed being with her. Not sure if the difference is that was a relationship and these are one night stands. I definitely have some anxiety regarding sex, but I don't think I felt particularly stressed out when I was with those guys. I'm probably going to take a break for now from trying to figure this out, but I wanted to get some outside opinions on how I should be going about this. Thanks.
One thing I have quickly learned being on EC now for a month is that I have a whole lot more to learn about sexuality in general, and my own sexuality in particular. But I can share my personal experiences, and maybe by doing so it might help someone else. I know that reading here on EC about other people’s experiences has been a big help to me. That said, one night stands just don’t do it for me. Never have. It’s not stress really, actually someone can appear very attractive, easy going, etc., but it’s more just not knowing their personality that impacts my ability to fully engage myself with someone I am meeting for the first time. I have concluded that I am ‘hard’ wired for relationships. When I have the opportunity to develop an ongoing rapport with someone, I am more relaxed and my performance, and how I feel about the person, the whole connection dramatically improves.
Porn wise, I tend to prefer straight porn but I can get off to gay porn. Without porn, I would say both work. Not sure which I prefer.
It’s good to hear that I am not the only one who feels this way. What you wrote describes me pretty well.
Well. You could well be bisexual. Sexuality is a spectrum. Most of us are somewhere between totally gay and totally straight. Those towards the middle, like myself, have a lot of confusion. I sure did my whole life. I finally learned it was OK to desire both men and women. That doesn’t mean you cannot be satisfied with one or the other. I would suggest getting some counseling to talk through this. For one, just the anxiety around sex is something to get a handle on. And, you may have some internalized homophobia that prevents you from accepting your same sex attractions enough to engage in intimacy.
