Hi, so the past few days I have been super confused. I'm currently out as a lesbian to everyone but my family and at school it's 'my thing' I guess you could say, everyone knows and it's constantly brought up. However, the past couple of days I've been thinking that I might be bi. I know that I'm 100% into girls, I love them and can see myself in a relationship with another woman in the future. The past week or so I've been seeing some other girls in my year with their boyfriends, hugging and holding hands which has made me think that I also want that but I don't know if I want to be the boyfriend, as in hugging a girl, (I'm a masc/stem lesbo) or if I want to just be the girl being hugged and feeling safe. In the future I don't think that I would be able have a sexual relationship with a guy but I know I would be able to have one with a girl. Could this just be some internalised homophobia or something? If anyone can help me out please let me know. - S
The feeling that I get from reading your post is not that you really want to be with a guy but more that you just want to be in a relationship where you can be open and have mild public displays of affection (hand holding etc). Would it be a problem where you are to do so with another girl?
I honestly don't know if it would be a problem, I think it would be okay since most people that I have met are okay with me being gay. I think you might be right, it could just be a bit of jealousy that other people are able to hug and hold hands so freely whilst I have to think about whether its safe for me to do it or not.
Totally take this with a grain of salt, but my impression is that part of you is grieving the loss of never being able to have a traditional, heterosexual relationship. And while sapphic/same-sex relationships are different, I think ultimately you can have something that feels a lot like what you described here. It won't be exactly the same, but when you love someone and then have a long-term relationship with them, I'm sure the experience isn't too different from the kind opposite-sex couples have. It also could be that you're trying to determine what your place in the relationship might be, but I think it's important to remember that it's not a fixed, "masculine is protector, feminine is protected". An equal partnership can oftentimes see these roles being shared, especially when the relationship is healthy. Basically what I'm saying is, you can have that with someone, man or woman.
