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Positive co-parenting with friendship stories

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LaraB, Nov 21, 2020.

  1. LaraB

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    Hi

    I came out to my husband a year ago and although it’s been rocky we’re still communicating. We’ve been living together (with the kids) but he’s suddenly said he can’t do it anymore.

    I appreciate he needs to separate emotionally as it’s kind of as if we’re still a couple while we live together, and I didn’t realise how much easier that was for me to do than for him.

    We’re both really hoping to stay friends and I honestly can’t imagine not having him in my life after more than 20 years. I don’t have a close relationship with my family so him and the kids are my family.

    I’d just really like to hear some positive stories about people that have managed to build a friendship with their ex after going through this.

    All the articles I read about divorce are with conflict and we don’t have any, just two broken hearts. It feels like there’s a blueprint if you hate each other but not much on moving forward with love & compassion.

    thank you
     
    #1 LaraB, Nov 21, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2020
  2. Peterpangirl

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    My relationship with my ex is amicable. We don't hate each other and we can still have a chat or a laugh. Neither of us wants conflict. Sometimes there are coparenting tensions but my kids say they are glad we can get on together.
     
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  3. Poofter

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    My ex wife is my best friend. We talk on the phone almost daily. We always talk about what’s going on with the kids, life, sometimes we just gossip. We also help each other out with things. It is possible.

    It was a little rough at first we also lived together for several months before she was done with that and I offered to move out. Our divorce didn’t involve lawyers. We did all the paperwork at the kitchen table and submitted it to the county court. There’s been nothing vicious between us and my coming out and living my full life and allowing her to be free to live hers has made the both of us very happy and made us closer friends.

    I wish all stories could go that way.
     
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  4. LaraB

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    Thanks you. I’d genuinely love that and hope we can get to that place. It’s been really amicable considering everything so far. He’s obviously still hurt but being amazing with it. We’re keeping the kids in the family house for the time being and swapping in and out, but doing some dinners and stuff together. I hope it gets easier once we’ve sorted out the practical stuff. Your story really gives me hope and i appreciate you taking the time to respond.
     
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  5. Poofter

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    I hope all works out for you. I honestly wish everyone going through a situation like mine and yours has the results that I have had. People just have to realize they can choose to be bigger than what society expects and a friendship can still be had.
     
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  6. QuietPeace

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    I do not personally have any positive relationship stories but I do know of one. A good friend of mine came out to her husband as lesbian. They did divorce but the last I heard they were still living together in the house that they had bought while married and still co-parenting their children. They even still occasionally do things together, they have stayed friends.
     
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  7. LostInDaydreams

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    I also know of somebody in this situation and it seems to work well for them.

    I appreciate that this is moving slightly away from what you were asking, but I don’t think that negative feelings mean that there can’t be a positive story in the long run or in some circumstances. My ex was abusive and I left him whilst he was out at work one day. We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, but for the most part, we get on OK where our daughter is concerned. I wouldn’t see him if my daughter wasn’t there too, but we spent the day all together for her birthday, for example, and it was a really good day.
     
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  8. LaraB

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    Me too @Poofter . I hope you don’t mind but I read your post to him today, and it gave us both hope. We really want this to be the end result. We’re both pretty heartbroken but I’m clearer in my head so I know it’s going to take longer for him. I genuinely want him to win and he deserves a fulfilling relationship too. I’m trying to give him space to accept it but obviously it’s hard when you’re used to looking after one another. But discussing your post really helped us, so thank you.
     
    #8 LaraB, Nov 23, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2020
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  9. LaraB

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    Thanks @LostInDaydreams . I think we thought the living together thing would work, and while it would have for me, he was finding it too hard to come to terms with the fact we weren’t a couple when things were the same, which is completely understandable. We’re now working to split the week between us but have dinner as a family on the crossover days (twice a week).
     
  10. Poofter

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    I don’t mind at all. I am glad it gave you guys some hope! I hope anyone can use it to that end. Good luck!
     
  11. Stephanie8

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    Hi, I am really hoping to have this as well. I came out to my husband 5 months ago and we are still living together and it's been really hard. He is a great man and my best friend, but I want a true love. But I can't financially leave right now and we have 3 little kids who I don't want to traumatize. Some days it feels hopeless.
     
  12. Choirboy

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    My ex is a rather childish and very emotionally damaged person, and I came out to her more to end the marriage then because of uncontrollable urges to be with a guy (although it was always a wistful if-only in my head). But we started out as friends, and she's not a bad person, just exhausting and draining and prone to abusive snaps. I tried to be as kind as possible when we split, and because I met my partner before I even moved out, made it clear that she was and remains family, and I was adding him to a family that already existed. We talk regularly on the phone and get along better than the last 10 years of our marriage.

    Fast forward 6 years. We just had the limited COVID Thanksgiving with my brother's family and my partner, ex and one of my daughters were there. He had to show up late and my nephews were worried he wasnt coming, and he and my ex were next to each other and all part of the talk and fun. Treat everyone with respect and as afrien, and you have a chance. It can be done.