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Need Advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by sayma, Nov 23, 2020.

  1. sayma

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    Hii.. It's my first time posting something like this. I am going through a rough time right now. I am Muslim and bisexual. I told my mom because she was the only person I expected to support me but she just behaves like I haven't said anything and recently she keeps talking like it's going to be okay once I find a guy and get married. I have recently started realizing that I don't want a future with a guy, whenever I think about my future I always she myself with a girl and I don't know how to make her understand that I might just be lesbian.
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Her attitude does make some sense. A person who is bisexual generally can be with someone of the opposite sex, if they find the right person. Your mother may be hoping for this because of religious beliefs but it may also be that she feels that being in a "normal" relationship will be much easier for you. If you really cannot see yourself with a man and you want your mom to ease off on the pressure about being with a man the best course of action is to at least try to tell her that you do not see yourself ever being in a relationship with a man. It might not convince her but it is at least worth a try.
     
  3. jessie19

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    Hi sayma, from what ive experienced, when coming out even just to close people you think will understand and support you, they tend to go through the stages of grief, more often when they have already planned your life for you, because they feel they have lost a massive part of their "lives", i know when i told a friend of mine, he spent ages denying it and making it awkward that i opted to close off the friendship. ( i know i cut people out of my life with out any issues, but i have never needed many people in my life to feel happy and for filled, i know this isn't what most people do ) but from what i hear it sounds like she is going through denial, i would suggest what QuietPeace, said, talk to her ad explain you dont see yourself with a man. BUT, and i cant stress this enough, NEVER force yourself into a situation where you coming out puts you in immediate danger, like if i come out to my father i know he will go to the gun rack and start shooting and i know all the LBGTQ+ community is always in danged as the world doesn't know how to deal with us, but if coming out can cause immediate harm, then dont put yourself in harms way.
     
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  4. sayma

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    I actually thought the same thing. She told me in the start when I asked what is her reason to not accept and she said that I'll lose my life here and family, too. That's when I decided that she needs to know that I don't see myself with a man. I had a whole conversation with her but it had the opposite impact. After that she started talking about marrying me to a guy and when I said that'll never happen.. She said it's your choice but you can't be with a girl. I know she loves me and really cares for me, that's the reason I told her in the first place but now from our conversations I feel like she'll never accept it. I tried to tell her that I know I won't get support from my family, I'll be alone that's why I want to hear you say "it's ok" that's enough for me. I only want to hear that it's ok for you, that you'll always be there for me. But she just brushes it off like it's a phase or I haven't met the right man.
     
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  5. Ram90

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    I can understand the position you're in @sayma It isn't easy coming out to parents and trying to make them understand. Kudos on taking the brave first step in trying to come out to your mother. Has your family ever spoken to you about a timeline in terms of getting you married to a boy? Like a year or a specific age? I'm only asking because at least then you'll know what is going on in their mind concerning you.

    I'm guessing you're studying Undergraduation right now. Is there any possibility for you to look for a job once you complete it (Or in your final year) in another city, away from your family? Or the possibility of doing Post-Graduation in another city within a year of completing your undergraduation, so that you'll get to live away from your family while you figure out other things?
     
  6. sayma

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    No. There is no pressure from my family to get married and I actually am planning on going abroad for further studies. I am not afraid they will tell me to marry someone. I know that's going to be entirely up to me. I just don't want to lose them. I want them to see I am happy like this and accept it. I came out to my friends yesterday and two of them kept going on and on about how I just haven't explored it. I should date few guys. It's just a phase. You're just thinking like that because you've watched movies or read books.
     
  7. Ram90

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    That is understandable. Wanting the family to accept you for who you are, is something basic all of us want.

    I'm happy you came out. That happened to me too, when I tried coming out to a few friends. They asked and pointed out that I don't have any experience in dating girls even, so I should do that first. While their tone could have been better, I felt they had a teeny-tiny point, so I tried dating ha ha. Though it was years later. :slight_smile:

    I'm sorry their reaction was like that. I'm sure you'll find open-minded, supportive friends soon enough. Till then, you have us here on EC. :slight_smile: